MERRY CHRISTMAS

Just to let you know, we are taking a short break over christmas. But don't worry we will be back in full swing from 2nd January 2012.


For now; eat lots of food, open all your presents and if your still working pick up some stories to send our way. Remember we are looking to post more often in 2012.

submit.stupidcustomers@gmail.com

Also we are looking to increase our audience through Facebook and Twitter, so a little promotion from you over the christmas session would be fantastic ;-)

twitter.com/StupidCustomer_
facebook.com/stupidcustomers

See you again on the 2nd January 2012

SC x

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Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 3

Stupid Customer
'Can you measure my granddaughter's feet, please?'

Employee
'Certainly, I'll just get the gauge.'

Stupid Customer
'Do you need her shoes off?'

Employee
'It usually helps...'


Submitted by;
Michael Ritchie

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Stupid Retail Customer 27

Stupid Customer
'The other day you had some nice leather jackets in, but I can't find them in here today.'

Employee
'Okay, well they've just been moved over here.'

Employee walks the Stupid Customer over to the leather jackets

Stupid Customer
'No no, not these ones. It was a different one, but made from the same material.'

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Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 2

Stupid Customer
'I need shoes.'

Employee
'OK sir, what size would you want?'

Stupid Customer
'I don't care, as long as it fits.'

Employee
'Well, is there any style you prefer?'

Stupid Customer
'I don't care, as long as it fits.'

Employee
'I'm sorry sir, but I cannot bring the entire stockroom out here for you to try on.'


Submitted by;
Michael Ritchie

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Stupid Retail Customer 26

The Stupid Customer approaches the till with a T-shirt and the employee puts it through the till.

Employee
'Thats £19.99 then please'

Stupid Customer
'Cool...!'

The Stupid Customer hands over the money, the employee puts it in the till then bags up the T-shirt. Whilst the Stupid Customer walks out the shop, leaving the item she just paid for behind.

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Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'These shoes have broken. The tops are fine, but they've all crumbled at the heel.'

Employee
'I see that madam, but I've worked here for nearly five years and I've never seen this brand.'

Stupid Customer
'Well, I don't think it's a very good advert for them to break! I buy [company] because of the quality!'

Employee
'I appreciate that, madam, but as I say, these shoes are quite old now. If they sit in a cupboard unworn for, possibly, upwards of five years, this does happen. [explains some of the science]'

Stupid Customer
'Well, I expect them to last! There's nothing you can do?'

Employee
'No, it's an old barcode even, the till won't recognise them.'

Stupid Customer
'I'll leave them with you then. Send them back to the warehouse with a complaint!'

Employee
'OK, madam.'

[Later,  the employee calls up his old boss who's been with the company much longer.]

Employee
'Do you remember a brand of shoes called [brand]?'

Boss
'Um, how do you know that word? They've not done them for eight or so years!'


Submitted by;
Michael Ritchie

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Stupid Call Center Customer 3

Stupid Customer calls up the call center with a problem with her printer.

Employee
'Are you running your printer under Windows?'

Stupid Customer
'No, my desk is next to the door, but thats a good point. The man sitting next to me is by a Window, and his printer is working fine!'


Submitted by;
Sophie Lewis

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Stupid Retail Customer 25

A Stupid Customer approaches the till area.

Stupid Customer 
'Excuse me, do you have a tape measure I could borrow?'

Employee
'Certainly, here you go madam.'

Stupid Customer
'Thank you, I just want to measure the length of this wrapping paper.'


Submitted by;
Theresa Hargreaves

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Stupid Retail Customer 24

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, this egg timer I bought from your shop is not working, can I please return it.’

Employee looks at the instructions for the egg timer for the Stupid Customer.

Stupid Customer
‘This egg timer is too difficult to understand, can I please have the full refund.’

Employee
‘Sorry we don’t offer refunds, only exchanges or credit notes.’

Stupid Customer
‘I don’t want a credit note.’

The Stupid Customer accepts the exchange. However, decides on exchanging the egg timer for an identical one to the original she tried to return.


Submitted by;
Theresa Hargreaves

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Stupid Pub Customer 7

Stupid Customer
‘Can I have a coke please?’

Employee
‘Coca cola in a bottle or Pepsi on draught?’

Stupid Customer
‘Whats the difference?’

Employee
‘One is coca cola, one is Pepsi’


Submitted by;
Nat Preston

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Stupid Retail Customer 23

Employee is finishing her shift at work in a department store when a Stupid Customer approaches her.

Stupid Customer
‘Excuse me where can I find the free bra?’


Submitted by;
Taylor Tagsold

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Stupid Retail Customer 22

Employee
‘Hello, do you have our rewards card, which entitles you to money off in store?’

Stupid Customer
‘I'm paying with cash.’

Employee
‘Okay, but do you have our rewards card?’

Stupid Customer
‘I'm paying with cash.’


Submitted by;
Jess Lalonde

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Stupid Retail Customer 21

Employee is tidying up the store when the stupid customer walks over.

Stupid Customer 
'Excuse me, how much is this hoody it hasn't got a price tag.'

Employee walks over to the rest of the hoodies and tells the stupid customer the price.

Stupid Customer 
'Thank you'

Employee walks back to his task, only to be called over the stupid customer.

Stupid Customer
'Can you get me a large!'

Employee walks back over and finds a large amongst the rail and hands it to the stupid customer. Again the stupid customer says 'thank you' and the employee walks back to his position. Only to be called over for a second time.

Stupid Customer
'Can I get this one in white instead. I can't reach for it up there.'

Employee recaches up for the hoody and passes down one, making sure its a large. This time employee waits expecting for more requests.

Stupid Customer
'Second thoughts, put that white one back. I'm going to stick to my original decision, thank you. And these are all the same price?'

Employee
'Yes'

Stupid Customer
'What about the white one?'

Employee
'Yes'

Stupid Customer
'When do your sales start?'

Employee
'We don't have sales'

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Stupid Retail Customer 20

Stupid customer is waiting at the till whilst the employee is folding up his purchased coat for him. The employee places the coat into the bag and hands it over to the stupid customer.

Stupid Customer
'Oh wait... no need for a bag and folding it, I'm going to wear the coat straight away.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 19

Stupid Customer requests to purchase a gift voucher.

Employee
'Okay, here is your gift voucher and receipt.'

Stupid Customer 
'Thank you! Also may I have a gift receipt for it!'

Employee (Slightly puzzled)
'Ooookay.. sure!'

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Stupid Camping Customer 1

Stupid Customer walks into store, is greeted etc, then after a minute or two of browsing storms angrily up to the till.

Stupid Customer
'Where is your flip book with all the tents in?'

Employee 
'Sorry sir, we don't stock tents over the winter, you could try our branch down the road, as they are large enough to stock tents all year round.'

Stupid Customer
'No I was there, and they had a flip book, but there weren't enough tents in it.'

Employee
'Well I'm sorry sir but we dont replenish our camping stock over the winter.'

Stupid Customer
'Well I do...'

*awkward silence*

Employee
'You may need to try another store then...'

Customer leaves in disgust.


Submitted by;
Josephine Atkinson

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Stupid Retail Customer 18

Stupid customer approaches the till to purchase a pair of shorts.

Employee
'That will be £44.99 please sir'

Stupid Customer 
'Mate, any chance of some discount on these shorts?'

Employee
'Sorry, we can't offer discount. Plus we don't do in store sales.

Stupid Customer
'But your colleague told me this was the last pair and your not getting anymore in, ands it not even summer now!. They're out of season. Come on mate!'

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Stupid Hotel Customer 1

The stupid customer is at the hotel reception complaining that the shower head in his room is not detachable.

Employee
'Yes sir, is that going to be a problem?'

Stupid Customer
'Well of course it's going to be a problem - my wife's on her period, how's she going to clean her vagina?'


Submitted by;
Thomas Greenway

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Stupid Retail Customer 17

Stupid Customer
'My son needs a thes.. theaur...'
(looks at son)
'Honey, what kind of book?'

Stupid Customers Son
'A thesaurus.'

Stupid Customer: 
'Do you have a section for dinosaur books?'

Employee
'Ma'am, a thesaurus is not a dinosaur. Follow me, I'll take you to juvenile reference.'


Submitted by;
KP

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Stupid Retail Customer 16

Stupid Customer exits the changing rooms.

Employee
'How was the T-shirt sir...?'

Stupid Customer 
'It was fine, only could you get me another. This one is a bit dirty around the sleeves'

Employee 
'Oh really? Lets have a look'

Stupid Customer 
'Yes look, just here and here'

Employee
'Sorry sir that is part of the design, its a tie dye  T-shirt'

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Stupid Retail Customer 15

Stupid Customer walks up to employee holding a Superdry jacket.

Stupid Customer 
'Does Superdry mean this jacket is 100% waterproof?'

Employee 
'No no, its the name of the clothing company'

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Stupid Retail Customer 14

Stupid Customer walks up to till to purchase his items.

Employee 
'Just these two then sir...?'

Stupid Customer 
'Sorry?'

Employee 
'Just these two items?'

Stupid Customer 
'Sorry!?'

Employee
'Don't worry its a rhetorical question'

Employee carries on at the till with conversation.

Employee
'So how has your day been so far?

Stupid Customer 
'Errr with cash please...!'

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Stupid Retail Customer 13

Stupid Customer
'Hi do you sell those Hollinster polos in here?

Employee *sounding confused*
'Hollinster???'

Stupid Customer 
Yes, yes HOLLINSTER! I see the clothing everywhere!'

Employee 
'Do you mean, Hollister?'

Stupid Customer 
'No, I don't think so'

Employee
'Well the Hollister store is just down there on your right'

Stupid Customer
'Hmmm okay, I'll give that store a go anyway...thank you!'

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Stupid Retail Customer 12

Stupid Customer approaches the till and the employee starts to scan her items. A song comes onto the music system which contains a sample of the Baywatch theme tune.

Stupid Customer
'Oh my god, oh my god. I love this song, it always reminds me of Baywatch...!'

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Stupid Ice Cream Customer 2

A family of 4 enter the ice cream shop (mother, father, brother and sister). The sister is not sure on which ice cream flavour to choose from.

The employee grabs a plastic spoon and offers a tester of one of the flavours to the sister. Her brother copies, and asks for a taster.

Employee grabs another plastic spoon.

The brother leans forward over the counter and opens his mouth waiting to be spoon fed.


Submitted by;
Andrew James Pepin

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Stupid Ice Cream Customer 1

Stupid customer approaches the counter and is looking to buy the cheapest ice cream.

Stupid Customer
'How much is a single cone?'

Employee

'That will be, £1.70...'

Stupid Customer
'Okay.. how much will a single ice cream in a cup?.

Employee 
'That will also be £1.70'

The Stupid Customer continues and chooses the flavour for her ice cream.

Employee
'Is that in a cone or a cup?

Stupid Customer (slightly agitated)
'Well, its fairly obvious isn't it...?'


Submitted by;
Andrew James Pepin

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Stupid Grocery Customer 3

Stupid Customer walks up to till and the employee starts to scan through their order.

Employee
"You'll just want to swipe your card down, with your stripe pointing towards me."

Stupid Customer proceeds to swipe card into the card reader. However, the till on the opposite side to the employee.

Employee
'Sir, I'm over here...'

Submitted by;
Jamie Blancard 

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Stupid Grocery Customer 2

Employee
'Will you need to buy any bags with your order?'

Stupid Customer
'No.'

*at the end of her order*
Employee
'And you'll be okay carrying that all out without a bag..?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes.'

Employee
'Okay! Here's your receipt, Thank you so much and have a good weekend.'

Stupid Customer
'Can I have a bag?'

Employee
'.... Umm yeah, sure...'

Stupid Customer
'Am I supposed to give you change or what?'

Employee
'Well, don't worry about it this time It's just 5 cents, just remember for next time, I'm supposed to charge you.'

Stupid Customer
'You don't have to be so RUDE about it. I didn't know you charged.'

Employee
'I'm sorry? I didn't mean to come off rude, I just mean I did ask you a couple times so just remember for next time :) Have a good day!'

The Stupid Customer storms to the end of the till and starts digging around in her purse, speaking angrily to her daughter beside her

Stupid Customer
'We can go home in a minute- She wants me to give her money.'

Employee
'No...Ma'am, please don't worry about it'

Stupid Customer proceeds to now throw five pennies at employee

Employee
'Ma'am you don't need to hurl your change at me, I meant it when I said you could have the bag for free.'

Stupid Customer
'That's it, I want to speak to your manager, you are disgustingly rude!'


Submitted by;
@noisenkisses

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer

Stupid customer approaches the counter and orders an Espresso. The employee goes ahead with the order and hands over the shot of espresso.

Stupid Customer
'What is this?'

Employee
'Its an espresso sir...'

Stupid Customer
'Really? Wheres the rest of it?'

Employee
'Sir, an espresso is a strongly concentrated shot of coffee with no milk.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh really, no thats not what I wanted.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 11

Stupid Customer approaches counter with clothes to purchase.

Stupid Customer
'Oh... your wearing the T-shirt I was hoping to buy. However, your employee tells me there are no more in stock.

Employee 
'Oh, I am sorry to hear that. This must of been the last one then, haha'

Stupid Customer
'Yes, it must have been. What size is yours?'

Employee
'This is a size small.'

Stupid Customer 
'Oh perfect! Thats the size I am needed, could you take that T-shirt off and let me buy it!?'

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Stupid Bank Customer 1

Stupid Customer approaches the Bureau De Change counter to change his money.

Stupid Customer 
'Hi, I would like to change over this money please.'

Employee
'Sorry, but this money is Disneyland Money'

Stupid Customer 
'I know this, I would just like that its back in pounds please.'

Employee
'I am sorry but we are not able to this.'

Stupid Customer 
'Why?'

Employee 
'Because this is not legal tender.'

Stupid Customer 
'But I was able to use this in the theme park!'

Employee
'Exactly sir, its only to be used there. Not legal currency for anywhere else.'

Stupid Customer 
'Well this is stupid!'

Stupid Customer leaves

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Stupid Retail Customer 10

Stupid Customer approaches Employee and enquires about a T-shirt.

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, I am purchasing this T-shirt for my husband. However he is outside, could you come with me to show it to him...?'

Employee

'Sorry, I'm not able to leave the shop floor?'

Stupid Customer 

'Oh really, what about this man?'

Stupid Customer points towards another Employee

Employee 

'Sorry we are not able to leave the shop floor.'

Stupid Customer 

'But my husband is waiting outside with our dog.'

Employee 

'He can come into the precinct, and you can show him the T-shirt at the front of the shop.'

Stupid Customer 

'No, that wont do.'

Stupid Customer leaves the store. 

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Stupid Grocery Customer 1

Stupid Customer walks up to employee in the supermarket.

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, it is awfully cold in here. Could you get the fridges turned down...?!'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 2

Employee
'Thank you for choosing [company], Technical Support, can I get your phone number please?'

Stupid Customer
'I don't have one.. I just got out of jail, and had some questions.'

Employee
'OK.. do you have any other services with us, though?'

Stupid Customer
'No, I don't... but listen...'

Employee
'Ok.'

Stupid Customer
Do you guys offer this um.. 'Sirius' radio? And what is that?

Employee
'Sir, that's a satellite radio service... and completely irrelevant to this company. If you'd like, I can transfer you to another department who can set you up with our services and become a customer. If not, I'll have to end this call.'

Stupid Customer
'Whoa there... You stay & listen to me, or else bad things could happen...'

Employee
'Was that a threat?'

Stupid Customer
'Just... listen'

Employee 
'As I said before, I can transfer you to someone who can sign you up if you want, or if you have questions only about [company]'s services, but I have no other information to give you.'

Stupid Customer hangs up.


Submitted by:
Paolo Faieta

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Stupid Call Center Customer 1

Employee
'Thank you for choosing [company], Technical Support, can I get your phone number please?'

Stupid Customer reads out their phone number

Employee
'OK.. here's your account. I'm going to need your date of birth and postal code to authorize you.'

Stupid Customer
'*SIGH* I told them this already, but I'm not going to give my date of birth... that's private information.'

Employee
'umm.. Alright sir, but from my standpoint that's the only way I can grant access to your account. If you want, I can get you to [department] to authorize you with other info.'

The Stupid Customer hangs up.


Submitted by:
Paolo Faieta

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Stupid Pub Customer 6

Stupid Customers
'can I have a burger without garlic?'

Employee
'I'm afraid the burger mix is already pre made and garlic is in it'

Stupid Customer
'Oh.. Can you not extract the little garlic bits?'

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Stupid Pub Customer 5

Employee
'How was your fish pie sir?'

Stupid Customer
'I didnt like it at all. I didn't realize it had fish in it and I don't eat fish'

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Stupid Retail Customer 9

The shop are supplying special limited edition T-shirts made for the World Cup. The Stupid Customer approaches the employee holding the T-shirt designed to represent the England team.

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, what does the '66 mean on the back of this T-shirt'

Employee 
'Thats a limited edition World Cup T-shirt, and this is the England one. Of course that is the year England actually won the World Cup'

Stupid Customer 
'Oh right....Can I change the number on the back?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 8

A Stupid FOREIGN Customer approaches the employee holding a shoe. And asks for a size in attempt at English.

Stupid FOREIGN Customer 
'Can I try this shoe in a half past 4?

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Stupid Retail Customer 7

Stupid customer and daughter ask for assistance from an employee.

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, I can't seem to find any XXL's in this polo on that rail'

Employee looks up and spots one right away.

Stupid Customer
'How did you find that size so quickly?'

Employee
'It says the size right here in the label, and I could clearly see it from where I was standing.

Stupid Customer
'Oh okay... also do you have any T-shirts that are light weight thin material for the summer'

Employee
'No.. unfortunately all our T-shirts are quite a standard thickness of cotton.'

Stupid Customer
'But my husband bought one last year, it was perfect.'

Employee 
'No sorry, we don't stock that material for our T-shirts.'

Stupid Customer 
'Oh wait! There they are....!'

Stupid Customer and daughter walk over and start looking through the button down short sleeved shirts.

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Stupid Retail Customer 6

Stupid customer approaches employee holding a pair of shorts in a size SMALL


Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, are these are these a size 8?'

Employee
'No, that is an 'S' they're a size SMALL'

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Stupid Pub Customer 4

Stupid Customer
'I would like the rum & raisin ice-cream, but my 3 year old daughter is going to share so could you take the rum out please?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 5

Stupid Customer
'I want to buy some wellies, what size do you think I should get?'

Employee
'The size that you are.'

Stupid Customer
'(sounding confused) Oh okay. Do you do them in pink or red?'

Employee
'No, other stores have red ones but we don't have them, sorry.'

Stupid Customer
'Can I try the red ones!?'

Employee
'No...I said before that we don't have them.'

Stupid Customer tries on a size 4, then tries a size 5 also.

Stupid Customer
'Oh wow! The size 5 feels bigger than the size 4!'

Employee
'That's because it is bigger...'

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Stupid Hair Salon Customer 1

Stupid customer arrives at the hair salon for an appointment. The stupid customer was called blank and had an argument with the stylist because this name wasn't booked in. However, there was a blank booked in for a cut and blow dry, all the while the stupid customer is still arguing about her appointment.

Stupid customer then realises she was actually book in for the following day. She walks out in anger and embarrassment.

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Stupid Pub Customer 3

Stupid customers are having a wedding reception in a bar. The stupid groom customer is tanked up on alcohol. He climbs onto the stage to start a performance.

He ends up getting tangled in wires, falls off the stage and breaks his wrist.

The stupid bride builds up rage, and storms out the bar.

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Stupid Pub Customer 2

Stupid customer purchases a club sandwich.

The sandwich arrives at the stupid customers table, with a cocktail stick poking out the top holding the sandwich together. The stupid customer doesn't realise, bites into the sandwich making the cocktail stick pierce through his bottom lip.

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Stupid Pub Customer 1

Stupid customer approaches the bar and asks for a glass of Pinot, a glass of Grigio and a white wine.

Pinot grigio is a white wine.

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Stupid Travel Agent Customer 6

The stupid customer wanted to go holiday to Spain, but could not afford to pay for a cattery.

Therefore the stupid customer asks the employee whether she could take her cat on holiday with her. Or would the employee be kind enough to look after the cat whilst she was away on holiday.

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Stupid Travel Agent Customer 5

The stupid customers were due to travel to Turkey in the evening, unfortunately the customers husband died that morning.

The employees receives the phone call as the agency opens. Telling her the unfortunate circumstances, the stupid customer asks;

Stupid Customer
'Can I still take my husband with me, as he was looking forward to the trip. I don't want to travel on my own...'

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Stupid Travel Agent Customer 4

Stupid elderly customer enquires about a 3 day trip to Sydney, Australia. Explaining this is her life long dream. However she doesn't know what to visit whilst there.

Therefore asks which employee is joining her as they are a travel agent.

The employees explain to her they are the booking agent, not the tour guides.

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Stupid Travel Agent Customer 3

Stupid customer returned from his vacation after booking six months previously. He visited the travel agency asking for a full refund, and compensation.

Whilst on holiday it had rained continuously, so he enquired why he was not informed that it was going to rain whilst he was on holiday at the time of booking.

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Stupid Travel Agent Customer 2

Family of 4 had an unfortunate year, due to financial problems, etc...the family believed they deserved a holiday.

The employee was unaware of the above circumstances.

The employee almost confirmed the booking and went ahead to discuss payment details with the family. When the customers then enquired;  due to financial reasons, would it be okay for them to pay when they return from their vacation.

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Stupid Travel Agent Customer 1

Stupid elderly couple had been in Italy for 2 days on a 7 day vacation.

The couple had already ran out of money, they phone the employee directly. Asking the employee to fly out to meet them, with some money and then they would pay back the employee the following month.

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Stupid Retail Customer 4

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, where are the changing rooms?'

Employee
'Sorry, this is a shoe shop.There are no changing rooms.'

Stupid Customer
'What?! You don't have changing rooms?!'

Employee
'No...this is a shoe shop.' 

Stupid Customer
'But I want to try on these trousers I just bought with these shoes. I can't believe you have no changing rooms! Ridiculous.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 3

Employee is working in Halfords working down the isle with the windscreen wipers during the middle of the day when a stupid customer approaches him.

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, where are your printers...?'

Employee starts to look around, then realises.

Employee
'Sorry this is Halfords, Comet is next door...'

The stupid customers realises what he has said, mumbles a few words and runs out the store.

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Stupid Retail Customer 2

Stupid customer approaches employee with a jumper wanting an exchange. Employee walks out back to the stockroom to get the bigger size the stupid customer wants to exchange the original for. Employee returns and hands the stupid customer the new jumper, the stupid customer asks;

Stupid Customer
‘Thank you, so do I exchange it here or do I have to go to the till…?’

Employee
‘No, you’ll have to queue’

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Stupid Retail Customer 1

Stupid Customer approaches the counter with clothes to purchase.

Stupid Customer
'Hi, I saw on your website you have an online sale for your hoodies. Where are the ones on sale in the shop?'

Employee
'No, they are only on sale online via the website.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh....well I'll just have these for now'

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Stupid Retail Customer

Stupid Customer walks up to employee holding one shoe in hand.

Sutpid Customer:
"Excuse me, how do I buy this shoe? There is only one here..."

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FIRST POST AT 2PM

Come back at 2pm when the first post will be published!

Remember to send in your customer stories to;

submit.stupidcustomers@gmail.com

Thanks

SC

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