Stupid Retail Customer 60

Stupid Customer
'I want to return my laptop, it appears to be broken.'

Employee
'What appears to be problem?'

Stupid Customer
'It wont open...'

Employee
'Do you mean the operating system, or certain software?'

Stupid Customer
'No no, it's the laptop. It wont actually open!!'

The employee takes the laptop out of the box, and opens it right infront of the Stupid Customer.

Stupid Customer
'OH! It opens on that side! Me and my sister tried for an hour to open it up last night, and just couldn't!'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 8

Employee
'....okay can I take your address for delivery'

Stupid Customer tells the employee her delivery address.

Employee
'You said your apartment number was F, like Frank?'

Stupid Customer
'No, it's 'F', as in Frog!'

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Stupid Retail Customer 49

The Stupid Customer’s total is £11.99, the Stupid Customer hands the employee £21.

Employee
'Miss, this is £21, you’d just get the pound back. Did you mean to give me £22 for a ten back?

Stupid Customer
'No, because my order is £11 pounds!'

Employee 
'And 99 pence…'

Stupid Customer
'And?'

Employee stares at the Stupid Customer

Stupid Customer
'Ugh, just give me the £1 back then.'

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Stupid Book Shop Customer 4

Stupid Customer

'Do you have a picture book of dinosaurs?'

Employee

'Sure.'

(They walk to the dinosaur books,  employee shows him many books with various sketches and paintings of dinosaurs)

Stupid Customer 

'No, not pictures…PHOTOGRAPHS. Photos of dinosaurs, please. Where are those?'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 3

The Stupid Customer walks into the restaurant.

Stupid Customer

'Hey, are you guys open?'

Employee
'Well, are the lights on?'

Stupid Customer

'Um, yes.'

Employee
'And was the front door open or locked?'

Stupid Customer
'Um, it was open.'

Employee
'So do you think we're open?'

Stupid Customer
'Um, I guess not. I'll come back tomorrow then.'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 4

Employee
'Hello!'

Stupid Customer
'Hello! I had a really nice conversation with your brother yesterday, did he say anything about me?'

Employee
'I'm sorry ma'm, this store is not family run. I only sell the produce.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh. Alright, I understand.'

(The Stupid Customer goes on to browse the produce.)

Stupid Customer
'So which one of these tomatoes did you pick?'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 2

Stupid Customer 

'Do you have any beef?'

Employee

'No sorry, we're a vegan restaurant'

The Stupid Customer leaves to the back of the queue then comes back to the employee

Stupid Customer

'Do you have any meat at all on the menu?'

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 4

Stupid Customer

'Do you use instant coffee or real coffee?'

The employee instantly stares blankly at the Stupid Customer

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Stupid Pharmacy Customer 1

Employee notices a female customer shoving a few acne treatments into her purse.

Employee
'Excuse me, miss. You’re going to have to pay for those.'

Stupid Customer
'For what?'

Employee 
'For the treatments you just shoved into your purse.'

Stupid Customer 
*sounding offended* 'I did no such thing!'

Employee
'Fine. Will you please show me there aren’t any stolen items in your bag?'

Stupid Customer
'No! You’re only doing this because I’m ugly!'

Employee
'…what?'

Stupid Customer
'I can’t believe an ugly person can’t go out into public anymore without be accused of stealing! I’m never coming here again!'

*Stupid Customer storms out, setting off the alarm and alerting security*

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Stupid Toy Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'Do you have any games for children?'

Employee
'Certainly, what type of games are you looking for?'

Stupid Customer
'Well, I don't know...'

Employee
'Okay, so we have board games, video games, outdoor games...quite a lot of varieties'

Stupid Customer
'No, I don't think so. I shall look myself, thank you'

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Stupid Retail Customer 47

Stupid Customer
'I want to return this pair of jeans. *Holds up Silver Mckenzie Light Wash jean* But I'm going to exchange them for a new pair. These ones didn't fit me right.'

Employee
'Okay.' *Notice's these have been clearly worn and washed*

Stupid Customer
*Comes back with Silver Mckenzie Dark wash Jean*

Employee
'Why were you returning the first pair?'

Stupid Customer
'Because they didn't fit right.'

Employee
'You know, you are essentially exchanging the same pair of jeans just a different wash.'

Stupid Customer
'I don't think so.'

Employee
'You are.'

Stupid Customer
'Whatever.'

Employee
*Does exchange* 'Hope these ones work out for you this time.'

Stupid Customer
'THEY WILL THANKS.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 45

Stupid Customer
'So, in your change room, on the floor, I seemed to have spilt my FIVE DOLLAR LATTE.'

Employee
'Oh.'

Stupid Customer
'My FIVE DOLLAR LATTE is all over your fitting room floor.'

Employee
'Alright' *cleans up mess and returns to till where the customer is standing*

Stupid Customer
'Could I get a discount for my latte being spilt?'

Employee
'Um, no. Sorry. We didn't spill your latte, we cannot reimburse you for something we did not cause.'

Stupid Customer
'Fine then.' *leaves store in a hissy fit*

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Stupid Retail Customer 44

Stupid Customer

'Do you have more of these in the back?'

Employee

'No, everything we have is in that bin. I just checked on IMAX for you.'

Stupid Customer

'I think you have more.'

Employee

'We don't. See? It says we have three.'

Stupid Customer

'How much are they?'

Employee

'They're $8.68 each.'

Stupid Customer

'I think they're $7.25.'

Employee

'No, they're $8.68.'

Stupid Customer

'I think they're $8.58.'

Employee

'They're $8.68, ma'am.'

Stupid Customer

'Can I have a discount?'

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 2

Stupid Customer
'Can I have a tall latte please.'

Employee
'Certainly, can I take your name please'

Stupid Customer
'Erm...I don't think thats necessary'


Employee
'Its okay, just makes the whole process a little easier you know.'

Stupid Customer
'No no. It's okay.'

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Stupid Hotel Customer 2

Stupid Customer
'I’m looking for a room for tonight. Just one person, one bed.'

Employee
'I have a queen bed available, it’s a smoking room…'

Stupid Customer
'I don’t want a smoking room.'

Employee
'It’s all I have.'

Stupid Customer
'What kind of place doesn’t sell non-smoking rooms?'

Employee
'No no no we sell non smoking rooms but I don’t have any tonight.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay, i’ll just deal with that.'

Employee
'I have that at 124 plus tax.'

Stupid Customer
'I’m not paying 124. I’m not going for the football game i’m just going for work.'

Employee
'That’s the best rate I can offer this weekend and that is a discounted rate.'

Stupid Customer
'But i’m not going for the football game I don’t care about the game.'

Employee
'Well that’s fine but the rate is still going to be 124.'

Stupid Customer
'Buddy you’re not selling any rooms at that price.'

Employee
'I have 8 left, I think i’m doing ok.'

The Stupid Customer hangs up.

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Stupid Retail Customer 31

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me do you sell gift vouchers?'

Employee
'Yes we do madame.'

Stupid Customer
'Fantastic, and can male and females use them. Or is it just females?'


Employee (puzzled)
'Erm...yes both!'

Stiupid Customer
Excellent, I'll have £40 worth please!'

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Stupid Book Shop Customer 2

**University Book Shop

Stupid Customer
'Do you know what books are on my reading list?'

Employee
'We don't carry the actual reading lists here, but we've been selling through, so I might know. What subject is it for?'

Stupid Customer
'I'm not sure. English, I think.'


Submitted by;
Michael Ritchie

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Stupid Book Shop Customer 1

**University Book Shop

Stupid Customer
'Can you do a search on a book for me?'

Employee
'Sure, do you have the title?'

Stupid Customer
'Um, no, but I know the author'

Employee
'Ok, what's his name?'

Stupid Customer
'Jones.'

Employee
'Um right... that's a pretty common name. Do you know what the textbook is on?'

Stupid Customer
'No. Can you not find it?'

Employee
'I can put it in, but it'll give me about a thousand results, so there's little point.'


Submitted by;
Michael Ritchie

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Stupid Call Center Customer 4

The employee is trying to troubleshoot a Stupid Customers computer over the phone.

Employee
'Can you press the F8 key for me.'

The Stupid Customer stops talking for about 30 seconds.

Stupid Customer
'How do you spell that?'


Submitted by;
Quinnton Mckinnon

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Stupid Retail Customer 27

Stupid Customer
'The other day you had some nice leather jackets in, but I can't find them in here today.'

Employee
'Okay, well they've just been moved over here.'

Employee walks the Stupid Customer over to the leather jackets

Stupid Customer
'No no, not these ones. It was a different one, but made from the same material.'

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