Stupid Fast Food Customer 2

Customer approaches the counter, with a confused look on his face.

Employee
'Afternoon, what can I get you'

Stupid Customer
'Hello yes, just an enquiry first. Do you use fake chicken here...?'

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Stupid Music Shop Customer 2

The employee is restocking the guitars. 

Stupid Customer

'Excuse me can I ask you a question?'

Employee

'Of course you can. It is what I am here for.'

Stupid Customer

'Do your guitars work like real guitars?'

Employee
'What do you mean?'

Stupid Customer
'Are they like real guitars?'

 

Employee
*Looking very confused* 'Well, they have strings like a "real" guitar. They have frets like a "real" guitar. You tune them like a "real" guitar. They are smaller because they are practice guitars but yes, I would like to conclude that they are real guitars.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh that is good!'

The Stupid Customer picks up a guitar, and walks over to the counter to purchase the item.

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Stupid Book Shop Customer 5

Stupid Customer
'Hi. I need a threesis.'

Employee
'Pardon, a what??'

Stupid Customer

'You know a threesis. It has other words that mean the same as the word you look up.'

Employee

Oh right…do you mean a thesaurus?'

Stupid Customer 

'No, you idiot!! That’s a dinosaur! I need a threesis!'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 6

Stupid Customer

'How big are your pizzas?'

Employee

'They are 10 inch pizzas, sir.'

Stupid Customer

'Well how big is 10 inches?'

Before the employee can answer the Stupid Customer's wife interrupts.

Stupid Customer's Wife

'You wouldn’t know anything about 10 inches, dear.'

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Stupid Pub Customer 12

Stupid Customer phones up the pub, and the employee answers. 

Stupid customer

'Hi, yeah I was just there at your pub a few minutes ago'

Stupid Customer stops talking, and doesn't carry on his phone call.

Employee

'Ok...and how could I help you?'

Stupid Customer

'I think I left something there. What can I do?'

Stupid Customer stops in silence again.

Employee

'Um...you could come back and get it?'

Stupid Customer 

'Oh ok, thanks'

Stupid Customer hangs up. 

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Stupid Retail Customer 53

Stupid Customer

(reads employees  name tag) 'Jade. That's a pretty name.'

Employee

'Thank you.'

Stupid Customer

'Where did you get it?'

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Stupid Cinema Customer 1

The employees are experience a rush of popcorn orders, one employee is in the middle of the Stupid Customers order.

Employee
'Okay, a medium popcorn is £*.**.'

Stupid Customer hand's the employee his money.

Stupid Customer

'Yeah, and would you get the fresh stuff for me?'

Employee

'Ahhh, sure. All of it’s fresh though. We’re putting in batch after batch.'

Stupid Customer

'No, I want the fresh stuff. Don’t fill my bag until the new one is popped.'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 5

The employee is restocking the restaurant toilets, when the Stupid Customer walks in.

Employee
'I’m restocking this side with toilet paper, but that side’s all good to go.'

Employee points to side of the toilets that are still yet to be restocked.

Stupid Customers makes an annoyed sound and walks into the cubicle the employee was about to change. Employee stand's there and hears the Stupid Customer rolling the empty dispenser. When the Stupid Customer is done, she comes back out.

Stupid Customer
(With Anger) 'There was no toilet paper in that stall!'

Employee
'Yep...!'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 4

Stupid Customer

'Do you guys sell biscuits and gravy?'

Employee

'No sir, we only sell crepes and paninis here. I'm sorry'

Stupid Customer

'Okay, well can i have an omelet?'

Employee

'Oh, im sorry. we actually stop selling breakfast at 11!' (it's 1:30)

Stupid Customer

'Well, can i have an omelet?'

Stupid Customer's daughter 

'Dad, they stop selling breakfast at 11.'

Stupid Customer

'Well im some countries, an omelet is considered lunch, and in others, it's a dinner!'

Employee

'Sir, i'm sorry but we can't do eggs after 11.'

Stupid Customer

'Okay, well can i have a coffee then?'

Employee

'Sure, can i get your name?'

Stupid Customer

'Disappointed.'

Employee 

'Alllllllright, can i get you anything else today?'

Stupid Customer

'Yeah, i hope you can redeem yourself next time. HA HA.'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 8

Employee
'....okay can I take your address for delivery'

Stupid Customer tells the employee her delivery address.

Employee
'You said your apartment number was F, like Frank?'

Stupid Customer
'No, it's 'F', as in Frog!'

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Stupid Body Piercing Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'I'd like to get my tongue pierced.'

Employee
'How old are you?'

Stupid Customer
'17. This is my mom.' (points at person next to her).

Employee
'Okay I need IDs from both of you.' (they give me the IDs and I check the ages.)

Employee
'Umm... This says your mom was born in 1988.'

Stupid Customer
'Yea she had me young.'

Employee
'She had you when she was 7?'

Stupid Customer
'No, of course not.'

Employee
'Then this isn't your mom. I need your parent present.'

Stupid Customer
'But this is my mom. I told you she had me young.'

Employee
'You were born in 1995. Your "mom" was born in 1988 correct?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes, I don't see what the issue is.'

Employee
'Well the issue is how this isn't your mom. Simple math shows that if she was your mom, she would have had to have given birth to you when she was 7. We are not going to pierce you at all. You can leave.'

Stupid Customer
'I still don't understand what the issue is and why you won't pierce me.'

Employee
'Because you are lying. This is not your mom.'

Stupid Customer
'Well if you don't pierce me, then I will never come here again.'

Employee
'Okay cool. Goodbye.'

Stupid Customer
'(as she is leaving) This is bullshit, I don't understand why he didn't believe it, we have the same last name.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 52

Stupid customer

*shouting* 'Excuse me, the phone credit you just sold me has already been used!'

Employee
'Right.. I wouldn't have thought that's possible' 

The employee only served the Stupid Customer 5 minutes ago.

Stupid customer

*still shouting* 'I want the manager, I want the credit replaced!'

The employee calls for the manager.

Stupid customer

'Hurry up, I ned to make an urgent call!'

Employee offers the Stupid Customer the store phone to make the urgent call.

Stupid customer

'I don't want your **** phone!'

Stupid Customer pulls mobile phone out and makes the call.

Employee

'You said the phone credit didn't go through?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 51

Stupid Customer
'I would like to buy one of these Wii things'

Employee

'I'm sorry we don't have any in stock.'

Stupid Customer
'But you're advertising them!'

Employee
'Well no we have a huge display saying 'available soon', just to let people know that we do stock them and they'll be on sale as soon as possible.'

Stupid Customer
'I think that's disgusting'

Employee

'Sorry, it's always like this at Christmas. We're doing our best to get more stock in so pop back later in the week just in case - but it's looking unlikely at the moment.'

Stupid Customer
'But you're advertising all these games that my kids won't be able to play.'

Employee
'We've got plenty of games and accessories in but we just can't get the consoles in fast enough - honestly we sold our allocation months ago, it's impossible for Nintendo to make them any faster.'

Stupid Customer
'But what if you weren't allowed to buy CD players anymore but shops still advertised CDs? it's terrible to treat customers like that.'

Employee
'Um, we have to still advertise the games because thousands of people own the Wii and will want to buy some games.'

Stupid Customer

'No what I'm saying is that you're basically not letting people buy CD players but still shoving CDs in their faces and I think that's disgusting.'

Employee

'No not really because even if there was a shortage of CD players, millions of people already own them and will buy CDs.'

Stupid Customer

'I'll be writing to complain. This isn't fair at all.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 50

Stupid Customer

'I'm looking to buy a TV. What's the cheapest one you got?'

Employee

'Looks like this 13-inch for £129.99.'

Stupid Customer
'How big is that?'

Employee

'About thirteen inches.'

Stupid Customer

'Is a thirteen inch TV pretty small?'

Employee

'Yeah, that's barely over a foot.'

Stupid Customer

'Well, what's the next cheapest TV you have?'

Employee

'We have this 14-inch for £189.99'

Stupid Customer
'Is that bigger than the 13-inch?'

Employee
'...Yep.'

Stupid Customer

'How much bigger?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 49

The Stupid Customer’s total is £11.99, the Stupid Customer hands the employee £21.

Employee
'Miss, this is £21, you’d just get the pound back. Did you mean to give me £22 for a ten back?

Stupid Customer
'No, because my order is £11 pounds!'

Employee 
'And 99 pence…'

Stupid Customer
'And?'

Employee stares at the Stupid Customer

Stupid Customer
'Ugh, just give me the £1 back then.'

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Stupid Hotel Customer 3

Stupid Customer
'Do you have rooms available on Monday?'

Employee
'What date?'

Stupid Customer
'Monday!'

Employee

'No, what date?'

Stupid Customer
'Jeez, the 11th.'

Employee
'Of what month?'

Stupid Customer
'MONDAY!'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 5

Stupid Customer approaches till with his fizzy drink for his child, and the employee proceeds to scan the bottle of fizzy drink. 

Stupid Customer

'Can I scan this item through the till myself?

Employee

'I guess so?'

Stupid Customer

'...just because this drink is for my child, and your hands are dirty. Does that make sense?'

Employee

'Not really, but whatever.'

Stupid Customer

'Why not?'

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Stupid Book Shop Customer 4

Stupid Customer

'Do you have a picture book of dinosaurs?'

Employee

'Sure.'

(They walk to the dinosaur books,  employee shows him many books with various sketches and paintings of dinosaurs)

Stupid Customer 

'No, not pictures…PHOTOGRAPHS. Photos of dinosaurs, please. Where are those?'

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Stupid Pub Customer 11

Stupid Customer
'Are you still serving lunch?'

Employee looks at the clock, that is displaying 10 past 4.

Employee
'No, sorry. Lunch ends at 4 o clock'

Stupid Customer
'Give me the lunch menu anyway!'

Employee
'I'm sorry but you're too late for lunch!'

The Stupid Customer moves over to go and sit himself down at a table.

Stupid Customer
'I'm only 10 minutes late! This is why this place is empty! You need us.'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 3

The Stupid Customer walks into the restaurant.

Stupid Customer

'Hey, are you guys open?'

Employee
'Well, are the lights on?'

Stupid Customer

'Um, yes.'

Employee
'And was the front door open or locked?'

Stupid Customer
'Um, it was open.'

Employee
'So do you think we're open?'

Stupid Customer
'Um, I guess not. I'll come back tomorrow then.'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 4

Employee
'Hello!'

Stupid Customer
'Hello! I had a really nice conversation with your brother yesterday, did he say anything about me?'

Employee
'I'm sorry ma'm, this store is not family run. I only sell the produce.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh. Alright, I understand.'

(The Stupid Customer goes on to browse the produce.)

Stupid Customer
'So which one of these tomatoes did you pick?'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 2

Stupid Customer 

'Do you have any beef?'

Employee

'No sorry, we're a vegan restaurant'

The Stupid Customer leaves to the back of the queue then comes back to the employee

Stupid Customer

'Do you have any meat at all on the menu?'

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 4

Stupid Customer

'Do you use instant coffee or real coffee?'

The employee instantly stares blankly at the Stupid Customer

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 3

Employee is putting the Stupid Customers items through the till, and gets to some chicken wings. The wings has a label for £2.00 when they are usually £5.98.

Stupid Customer
'£2.00 is a great price for some wings! I even got two of them!'

Employee
'Yeah…'

The employee is about to put through the chicken wings, until she notices a strange odor.

Employee
'Ma’am your chicken wings have a strange odor, you sure you want these? It could explain why they are two pounds instead of five.'

Stupid Customer
'Yeah! I’ll still take them, I will just have to eat them tonight.'

With that the Stupid Customer purchases her questionable chicken and leaves the store

The Stupid Customer has children with her, and one of the kids is very nervous about eating the meat.

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Stupid Pharmacy Customer 1

Employee notices a female customer shoving a few acne treatments into her purse.

Employee
'Excuse me, miss. You’re going to have to pay for those.'

Stupid Customer
'For what?'

Employee 
'For the treatments you just shoved into your purse.'

Stupid Customer 
*sounding offended* 'I did no such thing!'

Employee
'Fine. Will you please show me there aren’t any stolen items in your bag?'

Stupid Customer
'No! You’re only doing this because I’m ugly!'

Employee
'…what?'

Stupid Customer
'I can’t believe an ugly person can’t go out into public anymore without be accused of stealing! I’m never coming here again!'

*Stupid Customer storms out, setting off the alarm and alerting security*

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Stupid Web Design Customer 1

Employee 

'So, let me get this straight. You want your insurance website to look like the Walt Disney World site?'

Stupid Customer

'Yes, because the Walt Disney World site seems so happy and fun. When people visit our site, they should feel like buying insurance is fun!'

Employee

'Um, okay...so is there anything else you’d like?'

(Stupid Customer thinks for a few moments)

Stupid Customer

'Rollercoasters! I like rollercoasters!'

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Stupid Toy Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'Do you have any games for children?'

Employee
'Certainly, what type of games are you looking for?'

Stupid Customer
'Well, I don't know...'

Employee
'Okay, so we have board games, video games, outdoor games...quite a lot of varieties'

Stupid Customer
'No, I don't think so. I shall look myself, thank you'

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