Stupid Pub Customer 13

Stupid Customer
'Hello, how much is your venison roast?'

The employee replies with the price list.

Stupid Customer
'Core, that's a bit deer!'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 8

The Stupid Customer is at the self service check out, and calls over the employee to replace his multipack of crisps.

Stupid Customer
'This has a tear in it, can you replace it?'

Employee
'We are quite busy, but of course! I'll get someone to pick up a new packet for you.'

The employee gives over the new packet, and notices the original packet had a reduced sticker on the side, due to the tear.

Stupid Customer
'But this packet isn't reduced.'

Employee
'The original packet was reduced because of the tear that you didn't want. Therefore this new packet has no tear.'

Stupid Customer
'I wanted the reduced price, but the other packet wasn't scanning through at full price. That's why I asked you to change it.'

Employee
'But I could have simply keyed in the code for you....'

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 8

Stupid Customer walks into the coffee shop to place an order.

Employee
'How would like your coffee, in small, medium or large?'

Stupid Customer
'What's the difference?'

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Stupid Travel Agent Customer 7

The Stupid Customer phones up the travel agent to complain about his holiday.

Stupid Customer
'It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallara to close in the afternoons.'

Employee
'Sir, that is how things are done in Mexico, other countries follow the same procedure'

Stupid Customer
'But I often needed to buy things during their 'Siesta' time. This should be banned!'

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 7

Stupid Customer
'This is false advertising! You are LYING to your customers!'

Employee
'I'm sorry, ma'am. What's the problem?'

Stupid Customer
'THIS!'

Stupid Customer slams a half-eaten cake onto the counter

Stupid Customer
'The label says it's German Chocolate cake! I bought it for my book club as part of our International Cuisine week and they tell me it's not from Germany at all!'

Employee
'Erm, yes. German cake is named after the man who created it, Sam German. It has nothing to do with the country.'

Stupid Customer 
'Well, how on earth are customers supposed to know that? Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was by this? I should sue you for emotional distress!'

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Stupid Fast Food Customer 3

Stupid Customer
'Can I order, a medium cheeseburger, medium fries and medium drink.'

The employee orders in the meal as the combo option.

Stupid Customer (angry)
'NO! I don't want the stupid combo meal, just a medium drink and medium fry and a cheeseburger!'

Employee
'But that will be the same order as this combo, and in fact would save you money.'

Stupid Customer
'No no NO! I don't want that combo meal!'

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 6

Stupid Customer
'You guys close in a little bit don't you?'

Employee
'Yes, 10 minutes'

Stupid Customer
'Oh, I feel so bad now. Can I have a large Ice Decaf Americano?'

Employee
'Ok, you total is £*.**'

Stupid Customer
'Oh! And can I get 3 cupcakes'

Employee
'Sure, are you aware of our promo? 2 for £5?'

Stupid Customer
'Oh no, can I just pay for the cupcakes and my friend can pay for the drinks?'

Employee
'Sure....'

Stupid Customer
'Thanks!'

Stupid Customer leaves shop, whilst another 5 customers attempt to enter and place orders.

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 7

Stupid Customer
'Hello, I had a really nice conversation with your brother yesterday, did he say anything about me?'

Employee
'I'm sorry, this is not a family run stand. I only see the produce.

Stupid Customer
'Oh. Alright, I understand'

The Stupid Customer goes on to browse the produce.

Stupid Customer
'So which one of these tomatoes did you pick?'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 8

Employee

'Are you ready to order?'

Stupid Customer

'Yes, I'd like your grilled chicken club - but plain, please. Is that possible? To get just a plain grilled chicken sandwich?'

Employee

'Absolutely. And would you like fries or a salad with that?'

Stupid Customer

'Salad, please. With ranch.'

Employee (to next customer)

'And for you, sir? What will you be having today?'

Stupid Customer

'Um! Wait - I'm not done yet. Do you have swiss cheese? Can I have swiss on my chicken sandwich?'

Employee

'.... Yes. So... you want just plain grilled chicken with swiss cheese; is that correct?'

Stupid Customer

'Yea. And, you know, the lettuce and tomatoes and onions.'

Employee

'So when you say you'd like a "plain" grilled chicken sandwich you mean....?'

Stupid Customer

'Oh, you know - I don't want the mayo and all that other stuff.'

Employee

'Bacon?'

Stupid Customer

'Yeah.'

Employee

'Okay, so, just to confirm, you'd like a grilled chicken club sandwich with no mayo or bacon.'

Stupid Customer

'Yes.'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 9

Stupid Customer
'I just placed an order on your website, like 2 minutes ago, I need to check on something.'

Employee
'Okay, sometimes it can take up to 10 minutes for it to show in our system, so I can't see it just yet, but what was your question about the order?'

Stupid Customer
'What time is it there?'

Employee
'..It's almost 7:30'

Stupid Customer
'So you're like, three hours ahead of me. If it was three ago and you said it takes 10 minutes you should be able to see it now. Does that make sense?'

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 5

Stupid Customer
'Hello, I need a hot coffee with seven ice cubes in the bottom, but they can't melt and they have to stay at the bottom'

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Stupid Retail Customer 59

Employee
'That will be £40 for both, please'

Stupid Customer
'But I was in here a couple of days ago and they were on sale.'

Employee
'Yes, that was a weekend sale we had going on, it's over now.'

Stupid Customer
'But that was only a couple of days ago...

Employee
'...right'

Stupid Customer
'So why is the price different now?'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 6

Employee is scanning items through the till.

Stupid Customer
'No no no! Don't scan that one! I'm not buying it!!'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 8

Stupid Customer phones up to enquire about upgrading his computer.

Stupid Customer
'So, if I install 32bit Windows twice, will it become 64bit?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 56

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, do you sell radios capable of tuning into broadcasts from the middle east?'

The employee shows the Stupid Customer a few selections, who then asks for a demonstration. The employee picks up a radio and beings to find stations from various middle east sources. Whilst the Stupid Customer stands looking puzzled. Then asks....

Stupid Customer
'How am I supposed to track terrorists if they don't speak American?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 55

Stupid Customer walks into the department store asking to purchase a games console.

Stupid Customer
'That steering wheel will work with this console, right?'

Employee
'No, sorry that wont work, that is a for a different console from a completely different company'

Stupid Customer
'Oh! So I have to buy a whole different console from you guys JUST for it to work? Typical!!'

The employee tries to explain the situation.

Stupid Customer
'But you gotta make commission somehow right?'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 7

Stupid Customer calls up the employee and explains her situation.

Stupid Customer
'Good afternoon, I think my computer has been taken over by the Matrix'

Employee asks the Stupid Customer to move their mouse

Stupid Customer
'Oh my god! It's back to my normal desktop screen! What happened?'

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Stupid Book Shop Customer 6

Stupid Customer
'Do you sell the Bible here?'

Employee
'Yes we do, which version would you like?'

Stupid Customer
'The Bible'

Employee
'Yes, I understand, which version?'

Stupid Customer
'The one Jesus wrote.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 54

A woman walks into the store complaining  about her music device.

Stupid Customer
'This has a virus, it only appears when connected to my PC'

The employee turns on the device and seems to be working fine. Then proceeds to connect the device to a PC and the message 'Do not disconnect" appears, complete with the red "No" symbol.

Stupid Customer
'There! That's the virus! What does that mean?!'

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Stupid Body Piercing Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'I'd like to get my tongue pierced.'

Employee
'How old are you?'

Stupid Customer
'17. This is my mom.' (points at person next to her).

Employee
'Okay I need IDs from both of you.' (they give me the IDs and I check the ages.)

Employee
'Umm... This says your mom was born in 1988.'

Stupid Customer
'Yea she had me young.'

Employee
'She had you when she was 7?'

Stupid Customer
'No, of course not.'

Employee
'Then this isn't your mom. I need your parent present.'

Stupid Customer
'But this is my mom. I told you she had me young.'

Employee
'You were born in 1995. Your "mom" was born in 1988 correct?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes, I don't see what the issue is.'

Employee
'Well the issue is how this isn't your mom. Simple math shows that if she was your mom, she would have had to have given birth to you when she was 7. We are not going to pierce you at all. You can leave.'

Stupid Customer
'I still don't understand what the issue is and why you won't pierce me.'

Employee
'Because you are lying. This is not your mom.'

Stupid Customer
'Well if you don't pierce me, then I will never come here again.'

Employee
'Okay cool. Goodbye.'

Stupid Customer
'(as she is leaving) This is bullshit, I don't understand why he didn't believe it, we have the same last name.'

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