Robert Dyas has a fail safe advert

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Stupid Music Shop Customer 2

The employee is restocking the guitars. 

Stupid Customer

'Excuse me can I ask you a question?'

Employee

'Of course you can. It is what I am here for.'

Stupid Customer

'Do your guitars work like real guitars?'

Employee
'What do you mean?'

Stupid Customer
'Are they like real guitars?'

 

Employee
*Looking very confused* 'Well, they have strings like a "real" guitar. They have frets like a "real" guitar. You tune them like a "real" guitar. They are smaller because they are practice guitars but yes, I would like to conclude that they are real guitars.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh that is good!'

The Stupid Customer picks up a guitar, and walks over to the counter to purchase the item.

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Stupid Retail Customer 53

Stupid Customer

(reads employees  name tag) 'Jade. That's a pretty name.'

Employee

'Thank you.'

Stupid Customer

'Where did you get it?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 51

Stupid Customer
'I would like to buy one of these Wii things'

Employee

'I'm sorry we don't have any in stock.'

Stupid Customer
'But you're advertising them!'

Employee
'Well no we have a huge display saying 'available soon', just to let people know that we do stock them and they'll be on sale as soon as possible.'

Stupid Customer
'I think that's disgusting'

Employee

'Sorry, it's always like this at Christmas. We're doing our best to get more stock in so pop back later in the week just in case - but it's looking unlikely at the moment.'

Stupid Customer
'But you're advertising all these games that my kids won't be able to play.'

Employee
'We've got plenty of games and accessories in but we just can't get the consoles in fast enough - honestly we sold our allocation months ago, it's impossible for Nintendo to make them any faster.'

Stupid Customer
'But what if you weren't allowed to buy CD players anymore but shops still advertised CDs? it's terrible to treat customers like that.'

Employee
'Um, we have to still advertise the games because thousands of people own the Wii and will want to buy some games.'

Stupid Customer

'No what I'm saying is that you're basically not letting people buy CD players but still shoving CDs in their faces and I think that's disgusting.'

Employee

'No not really because even if there was a shortage of CD players, millions of people already own them and will buy CDs.'

Stupid Customer

'I'll be writing to complain. This isn't fair at all.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 49

The Stupid Customer’s total is £11.99, the Stupid Customer hands the employee £21.

Employee
'Miss, this is £21, you’d just get the pound back. Did you mean to give me £22 for a ten back?

Stupid Customer
'No, because my order is £11 pounds!'

Employee 
'And 99 pence…'

Stupid Customer
'And?'

Employee stares at the Stupid Customer

Stupid Customer
'Ugh, just give me the £1 back then.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 45

Stupid Customer
'So, in your change room, on the floor, I seemed to have spilt my FIVE DOLLAR LATTE.'

Employee
'Oh.'

Stupid Customer
'My FIVE DOLLAR LATTE is all over your fitting room floor.'

Employee
'Alright' *cleans up mess and returns to till where the customer is standing*

Stupid Customer
'Could I get a discount for my latte being spilt?'

Employee
'Um, no. Sorry. We didn't spill your latte, we cannot reimburse you for something we did not cause.'

Stupid Customer
'Fine then.' *leaves store in a hissy fit*

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Stupid Retail Customer 32

Stupid Customer walks into the shop and approaches the counter.

Stupid Customer
'Good morning, may I have look around your shop?'

Employee
'Certainly madam, we are a shop after all'


Submitted by;
Theresa Hargreaves

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Stupid Retail Customer 22

Employee
‘Hello, do you have our rewards card, which entitles you to money off in store?’

Stupid Customer
‘I'm paying with cash.’

Employee
‘Okay, but do you have our rewards card?’

Stupid Customer
‘I'm paying with cash.’


Submitted by;
Jess Lalonde

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Stupid Ice Cream Customer 1

Stupid customer approaches the counter and is looking to buy the cheapest ice cream.

Stupid Customer
'How much is a single cone?'

Employee

'That will be, £1.70...'

Stupid Customer
'Okay.. how much will a single ice cream in a cup?.

Employee 
'That will also be £1.70'

The Stupid Customer continues and chooses the flavour for her ice cream.

Employee
'Is that in a cone or a cup?

Stupid Customer (slightly agitated)
'Well, its fairly obvious isn't it...?'


Submitted by;
Andrew James Pepin

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Stupid Grocery Customer 2

Employee
'Will you need to buy any bags with your order?'

Stupid Customer
'No.'

*at the end of her order*
Employee
'And you'll be okay carrying that all out without a bag..?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes.'

Employee
'Okay! Here's your receipt, Thank you so much and have a good weekend.'

Stupid Customer
'Can I have a bag?'

Employee
'.... Umm yeah, sure...'

Stupid Customer
'Am I supposed to give you change or what?'

Employee
'Well, don't worry about it this time It's just 5 cents, just remember for next time, I'm supposed to charge you.'

Stupid Customer
'You don't have to be so RUDE about it. I didn't know you charged.'

Employee
'I'm sorry? I didn't mean to come off rude, I just mean I did ask you a couple times so just remember for next time :) Have a good day!'

The Stupid Customer storms to the end of the till and starts digging around in her purse, speaking angrily to her daughter beside her

Stupid Customer
'We can go home in a minute- She wants me to give her money.'

Employee
'No...Ma'am, please don't worry about it'

Stupid Customer proceeds to now throw five pennies at employee

Employee
'Ma'am you don't need to hurl your change at me, I meant it when I said you could have the bag for free.'

Stupid Customer
'That's it, I want to speak to your manager, you are disgustingly rude!'


Submitted by;
@noisenkisses

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