Stupid Retail Customer 61

Stupid Customer is going to make the purchase on her items.

Employee
'Oh...I see you have a contactless payment card!'

Stupid Customer
'Do I? What's that then?'

Employee
'No need to enter your pin or insert your card. It's very simple just touch the card the reader'

The Stupid Customer looks at the employee with confusion, then presses the card reader screen with her index finger.

Tweet

Stupid Fast Food Customer 2

Customer approaches the counter, with a confused look on his face.

Employee
'Afternoon, what can I get you'

Stupid Customer
'Hello yes, just an enquiry first. Do you use fake chicken here...?'

Tweet

Stupid Retail Customer 53

Stupid Customer

(reads employees  name tag) 'Jade. That's a pretty name.'

Employee

'Thank you.'

Stupid Customer

'Where did you get it?'

Tweet

Stupid Body Piercing Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'I'd like to get my tongue pierced.'

Employee
'How old are you?'

Stupid Customer
'17. This is my mom.' (points at person next to her).

Employee
'Okay I need IDs from both of you.' (they give me the IDs and I check the ages.)

Employee
'Umm... This says your mom was born in 1988.'

Stupid Customer
'Yea she had me young.'

Employee
'She had you when she was 7?'

Stupid Customer
'No, of course not.'

Employee
'Then this isn't your mom. I need your parent present.'

Stupid Customer
'But this is my mom. I told you she had me young.'

Employee
'You were born in 1995. Your "mom" was born in 1988 correct?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes, I don't see what the issue is.'

Employee
'Well the issue is how this isn't your mom. Simple math shows that if she was your mom, she would have had to have given birth to you when she was 7. We are not going to pierce you at all. You can leave.'

Stupid Customer
'I still don't understand what the issue is and why you won't pierce me.'

Employee
'Because you are lying. This is not your mom.'

Stupid Customer
'Well if you don't pierce me, then I will never come here again.'

Employee
'Okay cool. Goodbye.'

Stupid Customer
'(as she is leaving) This is bullshit, I don't understand why he didn't believe it, we have the same last name.'

Tweet

Stupid Supermarket Customer 3

Employee is putting the Stupid Customers items through the till, and gets to some chicken wings. The wings has a label for £2.00 when they are usually £5.98.

Stupid Customer
'£2.00 is a great price for some wings! I even got two of them!'

Employee
'Yeah…'

The employee is about to put through the chicken wings, until she notices a strange odor.

Employee
'Ma’am your chicken wings have a strange odor, you sure you want these? It could explain why they are two pounds instead of five.'

Stupid Customer
'Yeah! I’ll still take them, I will just have to eat them tonight.'

With that the Stupid Customer purchases her questionable chicken and leaves the store

The Stupid Customer has children with her, and one of the kids is very nervous about eating the meat.

Tweet

Stupid Pharmacy Customer 1

Employee notices a female customer shoving a few acne treatments into her purse.

Employee
'Excuse me, miss. You’re going to have to pay for those.'

Stupid Customer
'For what?'

Employee 
'For the treatments you just shoved into your purse.'

Stupid Customer 
*sounding offended* 'I did no such thing!'

Employee
'Fine. Will you please show me there aren’t any stolen items in your bag?'

Stupid Customer
'No! You’re only doing this because I’m ugly!'

Employee
'…what?'

Stupid Customer
'I can’t believe an ugly person can’t go out into public anymore without be accused of stealing! I’m never coming here again!'

*Stupid Customer storms out, setting off the alarm and alerting security*

Tweet

Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 8

The shoe shop is extremely busy on a weekend, the Stupid Customer approaches till looking annoyed.

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me! Is there anyone serving in the shoe section?'

Employee
'Madam this is a shoe shop.'

Stupid Customer
'Are you the only person who works here then!?'

Tweet

Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 2

Stupid Customer
'Can I have a tall latte please.'

Employee
'Certainly, can I take your name please'

Stupid Customer
'Erm...I don't think thats necessary'


Employee
'Its okay, just makes the whole process a little easier you know.'

Stupid Customer
'No no. It's okay.'

Tweet

Stupid Retail Customer 43

Stupid Customer
'What time does Target close?'

Employee
'Couldn't tell ya, sorry.'

Stupid Customer
*blank stare*

Employee
'...They're just down the street if you want to go and ask them?'

Stupid Customer
'Can you call them for me? I have their number right here.' *takes out phone*

Employee
'Sorry, sir, but we can only call stores within our chain. Why don't you call them?'

Stupid Customer
*blank stare*

Employee
'With your phone?'

Stupid Customer
*sigh* 'Can't you just tell me what time they close?'

Tweet

Stupid Fast Food Customer 1

Employee 
'Welcome to Chick-fil-A, this is Brittany, how may I serve you?'

There is a sign on the order taker in the drive-thru thing saying we are out of ice cream*

Stupid Customer
'Um, hi, Brittany! I'd like to have a chocolate milkshake, please.'

Employee 
'I'm sorry, but our ice cream machine is broken and we have no more ice cream for the night.'

Stupid Customer turns to others in the car.

Stupid Customer
'hahahaha, okay. Well can I have an "IceDream" cone?'

Employee 
'.....We have no more ice cream for the night.'

Stupid Customer
'But the sign on here says "IceDream".'

Employee 
'That's what we call our ice cream.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh, okay. Well I'd like to have a number 1 with a coke, please.'

Employee 
'I'm also sorry, we don't have regular sandwiches either, but we do have spicy sandwiches.'

Stupid Customer and his entire car: 
'HAHAHAHAHAHA.'

Stupid Customer
'Fine, I'll have a number 3 with a coke, then.'

Employee 
'Anything else?'

Stupid Customer
'Hahahahaha.. No, that's all. Hahahahahahahahahhahha.'

Tweet

Stupid Pub Customer 10

Stupid Customer approaches the bar holding a packet of crisps.

Employee
'Can I help you...?'

Stupid Customers
'Yes you can...these crisps are far too small.'


Submitted by;
Natalie Preston

Tweet

Stupid Retail Customer 40

Stupid Customer
'I noticed that your orange plates are 20% off. Can I get this orange candle for 20% off, too?'

Employee
No, sorry, it’s not on sale.

Stupid Customer
'I know, but since it’s orange and the plates are orange, I was hoping you would give me the discount.'

Employee
'Yeah, no, I can’t do that.'

Stupid Customer
'But I’d really like a discount on them.'

Tweet

Stupid Call Center Customer 6

Employee
'Good Morning Samsung Electronics how may I help you?'

Stupid Customer
'Oh! Good Morning! Is that not Honeywell Boilers?'

Employee
'No sorry! This is Samsung Electronics...'

Stupid Customer
'Oh dear! I seemed to have called the wrong number! Oh well never mind! Perhaps you can help me?'

Employee
'I'm afraid we don't deal with boilers... we only deal with things like Samsung televisions, phones and computers...'

Stupid Customer
'Yes! But it is an electronics problem with my boiler! So I am sure you can help!'

Employee
'I'm sorry but I'm afraid we cannot help as we are not Honeywell Boilers!'

Stupid Customer
'I want to speak to your manager! After all the Customer should always come first!'

Employee
'That might be so, however, you aren't a Samsung customer.. you are a Honeywell Customer!'

Submitted by;
Teresa Lawler

Tweet

Stupid Call Center Customer 5

Employee

‘It seems everything is there. Try refreshing?’

Stupid Customer

‘No, I still can’t see it.’

Employee

‘Are you sure? Try pressing Ctrl+F5 instead, there may be a cached version in your browser.’

Stupid Customer
‘No, I still can’t see it.’

Employee

‘What browser are you using to view the site?’

Stupid Customer
‘I’m looking at a screen grab.’

Tweet

Stupid Hotel Customer 2

Stupid Customer
'I’m looking for a room for tonight. Just one person, one bed.'

Employee
'I have a queen bed available, it’s a smoking room…'

Stupid Customer
'I don’t want a smoking room.'

Employee
'It’s all I have.'

Stupid Customer
'What kind of place doesn’t sell non-smoking rooms?'

Employee
'No no no we sell non smoking rooms but I don’t have any tonight.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay, i’ll just deal with that.'

Employee
'I have that at 124 plus tax.'

Stupid Customer
'I’m not paying 124. I’m not going for the football game i’m just going for work.'

Employee
'That’s the best rate I can offer this weekend and that is a discounted rate.'

Stupid Customer
'But i’m not going for the football game I don’t care about the game.'

Employee
'Well that’s fine but the rate is still going to be 124.'

Stupid Customer
'Buddy you’re not selling any rooms at that price.'

Employee
'I have 8 left, I think i’m doing ok.'

The Stupid Customer hangs up.

Tweet

Stupid Retail Customer 38

Stupid Customer
'Aren't you guys having a 50% off everything sale?'

Employee
'No, but we put a couple of extra holiday items 20% off.'

Stupid Customer
'The newspaper said you're having a 50% off sale on everything.'

Employee
'Oh? What newspaper?'

Stupid Customer
'I don't remember, but it said you were. I want this 50% off.'

Employee
'Sorry, but I can't approve that. We're not having a 50% off sale.'

Stupid Customer
'But the newspaper said you were.'

Employee
'This is the first I'm hearing about it.'

Stupid Customer
'Then you should read the newspaper more often!'

Employee
'If only I knew which newspaper you speak of.'

The Stupid Customer storms off.

Tweet

Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, can I have a medium espresso in a small cup?'

Employee
'So you want two shots of espresso in a small cup?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes!'

Employee
'You know that’s just two shots of straight espresso, right? Is that what you want?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes, that’s what I want.'

Employee
'Would you like any cream in that?'

Stupid Customer
'Just a little milk'

Employee makes medium espresso with a little milk

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, can I have more milk in this?'

Employee pours a little more milk in

Stupid Customer
'More than that, fill the cup.'

Employee
'Um. Sure. Yeah, okay then.'

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, I realize it’s because of the milk, but this drink is cold.'

Employee
'I’m sorry, did you want a latte instead?'

Stupid Customer
'That’s what I ordered!'

Employee
'No, actually. You said you wanted espresso, I even clarified it for you.'

Stupid Customer
'Ordering coffee isn’t this hard in LA! I guess terms are different everywhere.'

Employee
'Actually, I’ve ordered coffee in LA. It’s the same thing. They would have given you straight espresso as well. Here’s your latte. Have a nice day.'

Tweet

Stupid Sandwich Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'Is this fresh?'

Employee
'Yes. It was made this morning.'

Stupid Customer
'Is this today’s?'

Employee
'Yes. It was made this morning.'

Stupid Customer
'Are you sure?'

Employee
'Yes. I am sure.'

Tweet

Stupid Music Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'You got any old school punk?'

Employee
'Nah, we have stuff from the last 5 years or so really.'

Stupid Customer
'So just 80s then yeah...?'

Tweet

Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 5

Stupid Customer approaches till with a pair of shoes which are in the sale.

Employee
'Just so you know, our sale items are non-returnable unless they are faulty.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay, that's fine. Such a great price!'

Employee
'Great, that's 25 pounds please.'

Stupid Customer
'So...when does your sale start?'

Employee
'It started last Thursday.'

Stupid Customer (sounding surprised) 
'Oh really?!'

Employee
'Yes actually, the shoes you're buying are in the sale.'


Submitted by;
Lauren Potts

Tweet