Stupid Retail Customer 42

Stupid Customer
'Do you sell *particular brand*'

Employee
'We’ve sold out at the minute, but we sell these which are just as good. *gestures*'

Stupid Customer
'No, no it’s got to be this brand, it’s for my father. When will you be getting them back in?'

Employee
'Not for a few weeks, we have to order them in from out of the country.'

Stupid Customer
'Why does it take a few weeks?'

Employee
'…it’s from OVERSEAS. It takes a lot longer than ordering from the UK.'

Stupid Customer
'But I need one. Where can I get one? Will those shops further down sell them?'

Employee
'I’m afraid I don’t know what they sell.'

Stupid Customer
'*very confused look* What?'

Employee
'I only work in this shop, not those. I don’t know what they sell.'

Stupid Customer
'*even more confused* Well…will London sell them? If I go down to London, will I get one there?'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 6

Employee
'Good Morning Samsung Electronics how may I help you?'

Stupid Customer
'Oh! Good Morning! Is that not Honeywell Boilers?'

Employee
'No sorry! This is Samsung Electronics...'

Stupid Customer
'Oh dear! I seemed to have called the wrong number! Oh well never mind! Perhaps you can help me?'

Employee
'I'm afraid we don't deal with boilers... we only deal with things like Samsung televisions, phones and computers...'

Stupid Customer
'Yes! But it is an electronics problem with my boiler! So I am sure you can help!'

Employee
'I'm sorry but I'm afraid we cannot help as we are not Honeywell Boilers!'

Stupid Customer
'I want to speak to your manager! After all the Customer should always come first!'

Employee
'That might be so, however, you aren't a Samsung customer.. you are a Honeywell Customer!'

Submitted by;
Teresa Lawler

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Stupid Camping Shop Customer 3

Stupid Customer has been in the shop for an 1 hour making employee 1 late for lunch. Another mployee starts work and takes over. Stupid Customer eventually decides to buy a jacket, employee breathes sigh of relief, but on the way out...

Stupid Customer
‘Oh what are these boots? (cheaper boots)’

Employee
‘They're a hiking boot. We have them in size 3.5 or 4.5’

Stupid Customer
'I'll try a 4.5'

Stupid Customer and employee talk about what the boots will be used for etc, customer informs employee she is a size 5.

Employee
‘If you're usually a 5 then these shoes will be too small, especially once you have a hiking sock on.’

Stupid Customer
‘I'm trekking in the Himalayas, do you think I need a hiking sock? I was just going to wear normal ones.’


Submitted by;
Josephine Atkinson

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Stupid Hotel Customer 2

Stupid Customer
'I’m looking for a room for tonight. Just one person, one bed.'

Employee
'I have a queen bed available, it’s a smoking room…'

Stupid Customer
'I don’t want a smoking room.'

Employee
'It’s all I have.'

Stupid Customer
'What kind of place doesn’t sell non-smoking rooms?'

Employee
'No no no we sell non smoking rooms but I don’t have any tonight.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay, i’ll just deal with that.'

Employee
'I have that at 124 plus tax.'

Stupid Customer
'I’m not paying 124. I’m not going for the football game i’m just going for work.'

Employee
'That’s the best rate I can offer this weekend and that is a discounted rate.'

Stupid Customer
'But i’m not going for the football game I don’t care about the game.'

Employee
'Well that’s fine but the rate is still going to be 124.'

Stupid Customer
'Buddy you’re not selling any rooms at that price.'

Employee
'I have 8 left, I think i’m doing ok.'

The Stupid Customer hangs up.

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Stupid Sandwich Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'Is this fresh?'

Employee
'Yes. It was made this morning.'

Stupid Customer
'Is this today’s?'

Employee
'Yes. It was made this morning.'

Stupid Customer
'Are you sure?'

Employee
'Yes. I am sure.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 37

Stupid Customer
'What’s that Mexican guy’s name who works here?'

Employee
'Um…'

Stupid Customer
'You know, the short one with the ‘stache? He’s the manager.'

Employee
'Oh, he’s Tibetan.'

Stupid Customer
'What?'

Employee
'He’s Tibetan.'

Stupid Customer
'No, the Mexican manager.'

Employee 'I think you’re thinking of Karma.'

Stupid Customer
'NO! He’s a man!'

Employee
'Yes, our manager is a man named Karma and he is from Tibet.'

Stupid Customer
'He’s Mexican.'

Employee
'Ma’am, our manager is Tibetan. I don’t know anyone else who works here who fits the description you gave. Karma is short, has a mustache, and is the manager. Can I help you with something further?'

Stupid Customer
'You must be new.'

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Stupid Music Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'You got any old school punk?'

Employee
'Nah, we have stuff from the last 5 years or so really.'

Stupid Customer
'So just 80s then yeah...?'

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Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 5

Stupid Customer approaches till with a pair of shoes which are in the sale.

Employee
'Just so you know, our sale items are non-returnable unless they are faulty.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay, that's fine. Such a great price!'

Employee
'Great, that's 25 pounds please.'

Stupid Customer
'So...when does your sale start?'

Employee
'It started last Thursday.'

Stupid Customer (sounding surprised) 
'Oh really?!'

Employee
'Yes actually, the shoes you're buying are in the sale.'


Submitted by;
Lauren Potts

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Stupid Retail Customer 35

Employee is giving a small demonstration to the Stupid Customer about an MP3 player.

Employee
'Here is where all your music will be stored.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay.'

Employee
'And here is your settings menu where you can change numerous things, including changing the language.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh wow! Can you change the langauge to Spanish?'

Employee
'Of course.'

Stupid Customer
'Fantastic, I've always wanted to hear what Mariah Carey would sound like in Spanish.'


Submitted by;
Chris Skeene

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Stupid Retail Customer 34

Stupid Customer approaches employee on the shop floor.

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, you sold me this MP3 player yesterday.'

Employee
'Yes...okay.'

Stupid Customer
'MP3 players are for music, correct?'

Employee
'Yes, that is correct.'

Stupid Customer
'Well I took it home last night, and there was no music on it for me to listen to.'


Submitted by;
Chris Skeene

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Stupid Retail Customer 33

Employee is processing the Stupid Customers items through the till.

Stupid Customer
'Wait, wait...I've forgotten my voucher.'

Employee
'Okay...'

Stupid Customer
'Well, can I pay for all this now, come back another day with the voucher and refund me the difference?'

Employee
'Sorry, vouchers are not refundable.'

Stupid Customer
'But your manager said we can work this out the other day.'

Employee
'No, sorry you would have to come back later with the voucher, if you want to purchase all this today.'

Stupid Customer (Angry)
'Oh really!? So you are organising my day for me now are you?!'

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Stupid Pub Customer 8

Stupid Customer approaches the bar, having previously drank a couple of Pinot spritzers. 

Stupid Customer
'May I have a small glass of Pinot please.'

Employee

'Would you like that as a spritzer, madame?'

Stupid Customer

'No, just as it is.'

After the Stupid Customer receives her 175ml glass of Pinot.

Stupid Customer

'Oh, can I have this in a bigger glass with some ice and soda?'

Employee

'So you want a spritzer then, like I said'

Stupid Customer

'Oh, go on then'

Submitted by;

Thomas Greenway

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Stupid Book Shop Customer 3

**University Book Shop

Stupid (Law Student) Customer
'I'm looking for a book. I don't know the title or the author, but it's got a picture of a ladder on the front. Do pictures come up on your database?'

The employee is stood literally speechless.

The Stupid (Law Student) Customer returns with more information the following day. The book in question actually had a cat on the cover.



Submitted by;
Michael Ritchie

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MERRY CHRISTMAS

Just to let you know, we are taking a short break over christmas. But don't worry we will be back in full swing from 2nd January 2012.


For now; eat lots of food, open all your presents and if your still working pick up some stories to send our way. Remember we are looking to post more often in 2012.

submit.stupidcustomers@gmail.com

Also we are looking to increase our audience through Facebook and Twitter, so a little promotion from you over the christmas session would be fantastic ;-)

twitter.com/StupidCustomer_
facebook.com/stupidcustomers

See you again on the 2nd January 2012

SC x

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Stupid Camping Customer 1

Stupid Customer walks into store, is greeted etc, then after a minute or two of browsing storms angrily up to the till.

Stupid Customer
'Where is your flip book with all the tents in?'

Employee 
'Sorry sir, we don't stock tents over the winter, you could try our branch down the road, as they are large enough to stock tents all year round.'

Stupid Customer
'No I was there, and they had a flip book, but there weren't enough tents in it.'

Employee
'Well I'm sorry sir but we dont replenish our camping stock over the winter.'

Stupid Customer
'Well I do...'

*awkward silence*

Employee
'You may need to try another store then...'

Customer leaves in disgust.


Submitted by;
Josephine Atkinson

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