Stupid Retail Customer 61

Stupid Customer is going to make the purchase on her items.

Employee
'Oh...I see you have a contactless payment card!'

Stupid Customer
'Do I? What's that then?'

Employee
'No need to enter your pin or insert your card. It's very simple just touch the card the reader'

The Stupid Customer looks at the employee with confusion, then presses the card reader screen with her index finger.

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 8

Stupid Customer walks into the coffee shop to place an order.

Employee
'How would like your coffee, in small, medium or large?'

Stupid Customer
'What's the difference?'

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 7

Stupid Customer
'This is false advertising! You are LYING to your customers!'

Employee
'I'm sorry, ma'am. What's the problem?'

Stupid Customer
'THIS!'

Stupid Customer slams a half-eaten cake onto the counter

Stupid Customer
'The label says it's German Chocolate cake! I bought it for my book club as part of our International Cuisine week and they tell me it's not from Germany at all!'

Employee
'Erm, yes. German cake is named after the man who created it, Sam German. It has nothing to do with the country.'

Stupid Customer 
'Well, how on earth are customers supposed to know that? Do you have any idea how embarrassed I was by this? I should sue you for emotional distress!'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 10

Stupid Customer
'Good afternoon, I was phoning with a quick query. What times does the internet close?'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 7

Stupid Customer
'Hello, I had a really nice conversation with your brother yesterday, did he say anything about me?'

Employee
'I'm sorry, this is not a family run stand. I only see the produce.

Stupid Customer
'Oh. Alright, I understand'

The Stupid Customer goes on to browse the produce.

Stupid Customer
'So which one of these tomatoes did you pick?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 58

Stupid Customer swipes their credit card through the reader, and presses cancel.

Employee
'Would you mind swiping again? You canceled your transaction.

Stupid Customer
'It's not going to charge twice, right?'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 8

Stupid Customer phones up to enquire about upgrading his computer.

Stupid Customer
'So, if I install 32bit Windows twice, will it become 64bit?'

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Stupid Music Shop Customer 2

The employee is restocking the guitars. 

Stupid Customer

'Excuse me can I ask you a question?'

Employee

'Of course you can. It is what I am here for.'

Stupid Customer

'Do your guitars work like real guitars?'

Employee
'What do you mean?'

Stupid Customer
'Are they like real guitars?'

 

Employee
*Looking very confused* 'Well, they have strings like a "real" guitar. They have frets like a "real" guitar. You tune them like a "real" guitar. They are smaller because they are practice guitars but yes, I would like to conclude that they are real guitars.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh that is good!'

The Stupid Customer picks up a guitar, and walks over to the counter to purchase the item.

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Stupid Book Shop Customer 5

Stupid Customer
'Hi. I need a threesis.'

Employee
'Pardon, a what??'

Stupid Customer

'You know a threesis. It has other words that mean the same as the word you look up.'

Employee

Oh right…do you mean a thesaurus?'

Stupid Customer 

'No, you idiot!! That’s a dinosaur! I need a threesis!'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 5

The employee is restocking the restaurant toilets, when the Stupid Customer walks in.

Employee
'I’m restocking this side with toilet paper, but that side’s all good to go.'

Employee points to side of the toilets that are still yet to be restocked.

Stupid Customers makes an annoyed sound and walks into the cubicle the employee was about to change. Employee stand's there and hears the Stupid Customer rolling the empty dispenser. When the Stupid Customer is done, she comes back out.

Stupid Customer
(With Anger) 'There was no toilet paper in that stall!'

Employee
'Yep...!'

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Stupid Retail Customer 52

Stupid customer

*shouting* 'Excuse me, the phone credit you just sold me has already been used!'

Employee
'Right.. I wouldn't have thought that's possible' 

The employee only served the Stupid Customer 5 minutes ago.

Stupid customer

*still shouting* 'I want the manager, I want the credit replaced!'

The employee calls for the manager.

Stupid customer

'Hurry up, I ned to make an urgent call!'

Employee offers the Stupid Customer the store phone to make the urgent call.

Stupid customer

'I don't want your **** phone!'

Stupid Customer pulls mobile phone out and makes the call.

Employee

'You said the phone credit didn't go through?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 51

Stupid Customer
'I would like to buy one of these Wii things'

Employee

'I'm sorry we don't have any in stock.'

Stupid Customer
'But you're advertising them!'

Employee
'Well no we have a huge display saying 'available soon', just to let people know that we do stock them and they'll be on sale as soon as possible.'

Stupid Customer
'I think that's disgusting'

Employee

'Sorry, it's always like this at Christmas. We're doing our best to get more stock in so pop back later in the week just in case - but it's looking unlikely at the moment.'

Stupid Customer
'But you're advertising all these games that my kids won't be able to play.'

Employee
'We've got plenty of games and accessories in but we just can't get the consoles in fast enough - honestly we sold our allocation months ago, it's impossible for Nintendo to make them any faster.'

Stupid Customer
'But what if you weren't allowed to buy CD players anymore but shops still advertised CDs? it's terrible to treat customers like that.'

Employee
'Um, we have to still advertise the games because thousands of people own the Wii and will want to buy some games.'

Stupid Customer

'No what I'm saying is that you're basically not letting people buy CD players but still shoving CDs in their faces and I think that's disgusting.'

Employee

'No not really because even if there was a shortage of CD players, millions of people already own them and will buy CDs.'

Stupid Customer

'I'll be writing to complain. This isn't fair at all.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 50

Stupid Customer

'I'm looking to buy a TV. What's the cheapest one you got?'

Employee

'Looks like this 13-inch for £129.99.'

Stupid Customer
'How big is that?'

Employee

'About thirteen inches.'

Stupid Customer

'Is a thirteen inch TV pretty small?'

Employee

'Yeah, that's barely over a foot.'

Stupid Customer

'Well, what's the next cheapest TV you have?'

Employee

'We have this 14-inch for £189.99'

Stupid Customer
'Is that bigger than the 13-inch?'

Employee
'...Yep.'

Stupid Customer

'How much bigger?'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 4

Employee
'Hello!'

Stupid Customer
'Hello! I had a really nice conversation with your brother yesterday, did he say anything about me?'

Employee
'I'm sorry ma'm, this store is not family run. I only sell the produce.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh. Alright, I understand.'

(The Stupid Customer goes on to browse the produce.)

Stupid Customer
'So which one of these tomatoes did you pick?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 48

Stupid Customer approaches the counter for some help with bras.

Employee

'How can I help?'

Stupid Customer

'I'm looking for 32HH'

Employee

'Ok, is there any particular styles you wanted?'

Stupid Customer

'No...'

Employee 

'Ok... We have about 50.'

Stupid Customer

'Oh good. You didn't have many last time I was in.'

Employee

'We have quite a lot, so, was there and colours you were looking for... Or styles?'

Stupid Customer

'No...'

Employee

'Right...okay'

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Stupid Retail Customer 47

Stupid Customer
'I want to return this pair of jeans. *Holds up Silver Mckenzie Light Wash jean* But I'm going to exchange them for a new pair. These ones didn't fit me right.'

Employee
'Okay.' *Notice's these have been clearly worn and washed*

Stupid Customer
*Comes back with Silver Mckenzie Dark wash Jean*

Employee
'Why were you returning the first pair?'

Stupid Customer
'Because they didn't fit right.'

Employee
'You know, you are essentially exchanging the same pair of jeans just a different wash.'

Stupid Customer
'I don't think so.'

Employee
'You are.'

Stupid Customer
'Whatever.'

Employee
*Does exchange* 'Hope these ones work out for you this time.'

Stupid Customer
'THEY WILL THANKS.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 46

Stupid Customer
'I'd like to return this item.'

Employee
'Okay. *Asks for information for the return for the government*
Could I have your postal code?'

Stupid Customer
'250'

Employee
'No, your postal code.'

Stupid Customer
'TWO. FIVE. OH.'

Employee
'No, your postal code.'

Stupid Customer
'Ohhhhhhhhhhh, you meant postal code. I thought you said area code. V9G1B8'

Employee
'Alright, I will put it back to debit.'

Stupid Customer
*blank stare* 'I'll take it in cash.'

Employee
'No, I'm sorry, I have to give it to back you on your debit since that's how you paid.'

Stupid Customer
'Well at my work we can give back cash.'

Employee
'Well here we have to put it back on your debit.'

Stupid Customer
'I think thats really stupid.'

Employee
'That's our policy.'

Stupid Customer
'I dont think so. Nobody else does that.'

Employee
'We do here. Do you want it on a giftcard or back to debit.'

Stupid Customer
'I guess DEBIT then.'

Employee
'Alright.'

Stupid Customer
'Whatever.' *leaves store angrily*

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 3

Stupid Customer

'I have a question...'

Employee

'Yes?'

Stupid Customer

'The Buffalo Turkey.... Is it made out of buffalo?'

Employee

'No.'

Stupid Customer

*thinks for a moment* 'Does it taste like buffalo?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 44

Stupid Customer

'Do you have more of these in the back?'

Employee

'No, everything we have is in that bin. I just checked on IMAX for you.'

Stupid Customer

'I think you have more.'

Employee

'We don't. See? It says we have three.'

Stupid Customer

'How much are they?'

Employee

'They're $8.68 each.'

Stupid Customer

'I think they're $7.25.'

Employee

'No, they're $8.68.'

Stupid Customer

'I think they're $8.58.'

Employee

'They're $8.68, ma'am.'

Stupid Customer

'Can I have a discount?'

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 2

Stupid Customer
'Can I have a tall latte please.'

Employee
'Certainly, can I take your name please'

Stupid Customer
'Erm...I don't think thats necessary'


Employee
'Its okay, just makes the whole process a little easier you know.'

Stupid Customer
'No no. It's okay.'

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