Stupid Supermarket Customer 8

The Stupid Customer is at the self service check out, and calls over the employee to replace his multipack of crisps.

Stupid Customer
'This has a tear in it, can you replace it?'

Employee
'We are quite busy, but of course! I'll get someone to pick up a new packet for you.'

The employee gives over the new packet, and notices the original packet had a reduced sticker on the side, due to the tear.

Stupid Customer
'But this packet isn't reduced.'

Employee
'The original packet was reduced because of the tear that you didn't want. Therefore this new packet has no tear.'

Stupid Customer
'I wanted the reduced price, but the other packet wasn't scanning through at full price. That's why I asked you to change it.'

Employee
'But I could have simply keyed in the code for you....'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 10

Stupid Customer
'Good afternoon, I was phoning with a quick query. What times does the internet close?'

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Stupid Fast Food Customer 3

Stupid Customer
'Can I order, a medium cheeseburger, medium fries and medium drink.'

The employee orders in the meal as the combo option.

Stupid Customer (angry)
'NO! I don't want the stupid combo meal, just a medium drink and medium fry and a cheeseburger!'

Employee
'But that will be the same order as this combo, and in fact would save you money.'

Stupid Customer
'No no NO! I don't want that combo meal!'

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Stupid Fast Food Customer 2

Customer approaches the counter, with a confused look on his face.

Employee
'Afternoon, what can I get you'

Stupid Customer
'Hello yes, just an enquiry first. Do you use fake chicken here...?'

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Stupid Pub Customer 12

Stupid Customer phones up the pub, and the employee answers. 

Stupid customer

'Hi, yeah I was just there at your pub a few minutes ago'

Stupid Customer stops talking, and doesn't carry on his phone call.

Employee

'Ok...and how could I help you?'

Stupid Customer

'I think I left something there. What can I do?'

Stupid Customer stops in silence again.

Employee

'Um...you could come back and get it?'

Stupid Customer 

'Oh ok, thanks'

Stupid Customer hangs up. 

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Stupid Retail Customer 53

Stupid Customer

(reads employees  name tag) 'Jade. That's a pretty name.'

Employee

'Thank you.'

Stupid Customer

'Where did you get it?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 50

Stupid Customer

'I'm looking to buy a TV. What's the cheapest one you got?'

Employee

'Looks like this 13-inch for £129.99.'

Stupid Customer
'How big is that?'

Employee

'About thirteen inches.'

Stupid Customer

'Is a thirteen inch TV pretty small?'

Employee

'Yeah, that's barely over a foot.'

Stupid Customer

'Well, what's the next cheapest TV you have?'

Employee

'We have this 14-inch for £189.99'

Stupid Customer
'Is that bigger than the 13-inch?'

Employee
'...Yep.'

Stupid Customer

'How much bigger?'

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Stupid Retail Customer 49

The Stupid Customer’s total is £11.99, the Stupid Customer hands the employee £21.

Employee
'Miss, this is £21, you’d just get the pound back. Did you mean to give me £22 for a ten back?

Stupid Customer
'No, because my order is £11 pounds!'

Employee 
'And 99 pence…'

Stupid Customer
'And?'

Employee stares at the Stupid Customer

Stupid Customer
'Ugh, just give me the £1 back then.'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 5

Stupid Customer approaches till with his fizzy drink for his child, and the employee proceeds to scan the bottle of fizzy drink. 

Stupid Customer

'Can I scan this item through the till myself?

Employee

'I guess so?'

Stupid Customer

'...just because this drink is for my child, and your hands are dirty. Does that make sense?'

Employee

'Not really, but whatever.'

Stupid Customer

'Why not?'

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Stupid Book Shop Customer 4

Stupid Customer

'Do you have a picture book of dinosaurs?'

Employee

'Sure.'

(They walk to the dinosaur books,  employee shows him many books with various sketches and paintings of dinosaurs)

Stupid Customer 

'No, not pictures…PHOTOGRAPHS. Photos of dinosaurs, please. Where are those?'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 2

Stupid Customer 

'Do you have any beef?'

Employee

'No sorry, we're a vegan restaurant'

The Stupid Customer leaves to the back of the queue then comes back to the employee

Stupid Customer

'Do you have any meat at all on the menu?'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 3

Employee is putting the Stupid Customers items through the till, and gets to some chicken wings. The wings has a label for £2.00 when they are usually £5.98.

Stupid Customer
'£2.00 is a great price for some wings! I even got two of them!'

Employee
'Yeah…'

The employee is about to put through the chicken wings, until she notices a strange odor.

Employee
'Ma’am your chicken wings have a strange odor, you sure you want these? It could explain why they are two pounds instead of five.'

Stupid Customer
'Yeah! I’ll still take them, I will just have to eat them tonight.'

With that the Stupid Customer purchases her questionable chicken and leaves the store

The Stupid Customer has children with her, and one of the kids is very nervous about eating the meat.

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Stupid Pharmacy Customer 1

Employee notices a female customer shoving a few acne treatments into her purse.

Employee
'Excuse me, miss. You’re going to have to pay for those.'

Stupid Customer
'For what?'

Employee 
'For the treatments you just shoved into your purse.'

Stupid Customer 
*sounding offended* 'I did no such thing!'

Employee
'Fine. Will you please show me there aren’t any stolen items in your bag?'

Stupid Customer
'No! You’re only doing this because I’m ugly!'

Employee
'…what?'

Stupid Customer
'I can’t believe an ugly person can’t go out into public anymore without be accused of stealing! I’m never coming here again!'

*Stupid Customer storms out, setting off the alarm and alerting security*

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Stupid Web Design Customer 1

Employee 

'So, let me get this straight. You want your insurance website to look like the Walt Disney World site?'

Stupid Customer

'Yes, because the Walt Disney World site seems so happy and fun. When people visit our site, they should feel like buying insurance is fun!'

Employee

'Um, okay...so is there anything else you’d like?'

(Stupid Customer thinks for a few moments)

Stupid Customer

'Rollercoasters! I like rollercoasters!'

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Stupid Toy Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'Do you have any games for children?'

Employee
'Certainly, what type of games are you looking for?'

Stupid Customer
'Well, I don't know...'

Employee
'Okay, so we have board games, video games, outdoor games...quite a lot of varieties'

Stupid Customer
'No, I don't think so. I shall look myself, thank you'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 2

The Stupid Customer approaches the counter with a packet of discounted rolls from the bakery section, the packet is clearly marked £1.99.

Stupid Customer
'Are these rolls £1.99?'

Employee
'Yes...'

Stupid Customer
'Okay...I don't want them'

Employee
'Okay, any reason?'

Stupid Customer
'I thought they were only 99p'

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Stupid Call Center Customer 7

Stupid Customer
'Hello, I am trying look at this website but it keeps saying I have a virus'

Employee
'Okay...'

Stupid Customer
'It's saying the website has a virus'

Employee
'Okay, what browser are you using?'

Stupid Customer
'The internet'

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Stupid Supermarket Customer 1

The Stupid Customer approaches the customer service desk full of rage.

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me! Can I speak to your manager!'

Employee
'What is the problem sir!?'

Stupid Customer
'This does not concern you, let me speak to your manager!'

The employee calls over the manager to help with the Stupid Customers problem.

The Manager
'What seems to be the problem?'

Stupid Customer
'I am outraged that I have missed my bus home, thanks to YOU lot!'

The Manager
'How did this happen sir?'

Stupid Customer
'I wanted this wine because it was special offer, however when I went to the check out, the wine wouldn't go through as the deal. Now I have missed my bus home... I am absolutely livid!'

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Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 3

Stupid Customer
'Can you measure my granddaughter's feet, please?'

Employee
'Certainly, I'll just get the gauge.'

Stupid Customer
'Do you need her shoes off?'

Employee
'It usually helps...'


Submitted by;
Michael Ritchie

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Stupid Retail Customer 27

Stupid Customer
'The other day you had some nice leather jackets in, but I can't find them in here today.'

Employee
'Okay, well they've just been moved over here.'

Employee walks the Stupid Customer over to the leather jackets

Stupid Customer
'No no, not these ones. It was a different one, but made from the same material.'

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