Stupid Retail Customer 42

Stupid Customer
'Do you sell *particular brand*'

Employee
'We’ve sold out at the minute, but we sell these which are just as good. *gestures*'

Stupid Customer
'No, no it’s got to be this brand, it’s for my father. When will you be getting them back in?'

Employee
'Not for a few weeks, we have to order them in from out of the country.'

Stupid Customer
'Why does it take a few weeks?'

Employee
'…it’s from OVERSEAS. It takes a lot longer than ordering from the UK.'

Stupid Customer
'But I need one. Where can I get one? Will those shops further down sell them?'

Employee
'I’m afraid I don’t know what they sell.'

Stupid Customer
'*very confused look* What?'

Employee
'I only work in this shop, not those. I don’t know what they sell.'

Stupid Customer
'*even more confused* Well…will London sell them? If I go down to London, will I get one there?'

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Stupid Restaurant Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'I want the desert.'

Employee
'Which one would you like?'

Stupid Customer
'The dessert.'

Employee
'Ma’am, we have an entire menu of desserts. Did you want ice cream, pie, our cheesecake…?'


Stupid Customer
'With Caramel.'

Employee
'I’m sorry but I’m not sure which one you want, can you show me?'

Stupid Customer
'You don’t know which one I’m talking about?!'

Employee
'No, I’m sorry but I’m not a mind reader.'

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Stupid Fast Food Customer 1

Employee 
'Welcome to Chick-fil-A, this is Brittany, how may I serve you?'

There is a sign on the order taker in the drive-thru thing saying we are out of ice cream*

Stupid Customer
'Um, hi, Brittany! I'd like to have a chocolate milkshake, please.'

Employee 
'I'm sorry, but our ice cream machine is broken and we have no more ice cream for the night.'

Stupid Customer turns to others in the car.

Stupid Customer
'hahahaha, okay. Well can I have an "IceDream" cone?'

Employee 
'.....We have no more ice cream for the night.'

Stupid Customer
'But the sign on here says "IceDream".'

Employee 
'That's what we call our ice cream.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh, okay. Well I'd like to have a number 1 with a coke, please.'

Employee 
'I'm also sorry, we don't have regular sandwiches either, but we do have spicy sandwiches.'

Stupid Customer and his entire car: 
'HAHAHAHAHAHA.'

Stupid Customer
'Fine, I'll have a number 3 with a coke, then.'

Employee 
'Anything else?'

Stupid Customer
'Hahahahaha.. No, that's all. Hahahahahahahahahhahha.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 41

Stupid Customer hands employee a World Market gift card.

Employee
'Sorry, we're not World Market.'

Stupid Customer
'Well, TK Maxx takes Marshall's gift cards!'

Employee
'They're owned by the same people, so they're basically the same store.'

Stupid Customer
'You and World Market are basically the same store!'

Employee
'It's true, we carry a lot of similar items, but we're not owned by the same people.'

Stupid Customer
*blank stare*

Employee
'...So we can't take that gift card.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh, just take it!'

Employee
'We can't. Our systems won't even recognise it. We only accept Pier 1 gift cards.'

Stupid Customer
'Well, I don't have one of those!'

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Stupid Bank Customer 2

The employee asks security questions to the Stupid Customer to identify the owner of the account

Employee
'Are there any signers on the account with you?'

Stupid Customer
'Yeah, there's one sitting right here'

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Stupid Pub Customer 10

Stupid Customer approaches the bar holding a packet of crisps.

Employee
'Can I help you...?'

Stupid Customers
'Yes you can...these crisps are far too small.'


Submitted by;
Natalie Preston

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Stupid Pub Customer 9

Employee
'Excuse me, you can't have children at the bar.'

Stupid Customer
'She's not at the bar.'

Employee
*Looks* 'Yes, she is. I can't serve you while you have a child at the bar.'

Stupid Customer
'She's only 2.'

Employee
'Yes, and that's why she's not allowed at the bar.'

Stupid Customer 
'Don't be a prick.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 40

Stupid Customer
'I noticed that your orange plates are 20% off. Can I get this orange candle for 20% off, too?'

Employee
No, sorry, it’s not on sale.

Stupid Customer
'I know, but since it’s orange and the plates are orange, I was hoping you would give me the discount.'

Employee
'Yeah, no, I can’t do that.'

Stupid Customer
'But I’d really like a discount on them.'

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Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 6

Stupid Customer
'Do you sell leather cleaner here?'

Employee
'Sorry, we only sell leather and suede protector here. '

The stupid customer takes a moment to think...

Stupid Customer
'Sorry, does that protector work on leather?'

Employee
'Yes, it's for leather and suede.'

Stupid Customer
'I need it for leather.'

Employee
'Yes, that's what I said.'

Stupid Customer
'You said suede though.'

Employee
'Yes. Leather and suede are actually the same thing, just a different finish.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh. Okay. I don't want that.'


Submitted by;
Lauren Potts

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Stupid Call Center Customer 6

Employee
'Good Morning Samsung Electronics how may I help you?'

Stupid Customer
'Oh! Good Morning! Is that not Honeywell Boilers?'

Employee
'No sorry! This is Samsung Electronics...'

Stupid Customer
'Oh dear! I seemed to have called the wrong number! Oh well never mind! Perhaps you can help me?'

Employee
'I'm afraid we don't deal with boilers... we only deal with things like Samsung televisions, phones and computers...'

Stupid Customer
'Yes! But it is an electronics problem with my boiler! So I am sure you can help!'

Employee
'I'm sorry but I'm afraid we cannot help as we are not Honeywell Boilers!'

Stupid Customer
'I want to speak to your manager! After all the Customer should always come first!'

Employee
'That might be so, however, you aren't a Samsung customer.. you are a Honeywell Customer!'

Submitted by;
Teresa Lawler

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Stupid Call Center Customer 5

Employee

‘It seems everything is there. Try refreshing?’

Stupid Customer

‘No, I still can’t see it.’

Employee

‘Are you sure? Try pressing Ctrl+F5 instead, there may be a cached version in your browser.’

Stupid Customer
‘No, I still can’t see it.’

Employee

‘What browser are you using to view the site?’

Stupid Customer
‘I’m looking at a screen grab.’

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Stupid Camping Shop Customer 3

Stupid Customer has been in the shop for an 1 hour making employee 1 late for lunch. Another mployee starts work and takes over. Stupid Customer eventually decides to buy a jacket, employee breathes sigh of relief, but on the way out...

Stupid Customer
‘Oh what are these boots? (cheaper boots)’

Employee
‘They're a hiking boot. We have them in size 3.5 or 4.5’

Stupid Customer
'I'll try a 4.5'

Stupid Customer and employee talk about what the boots will be used for etc, customer informs employee she is a size 5.

Employee
‘If you're usually a 5 then these shoes will be too small, especially once you have a hiking sock on.’

Stupid Customer
‘I'm trekking in the Himalayas, do you think I need a hiking sock? I was just going to wear normal ones.’


Submitted by;
Josephine Atkinson

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Stupid Hotel Customer 2

Stupid Customer
'I’m looking for a room for tonight. Just one person, one bed.'

Employee
'I have a queen bed available, it’s a smoking room…'

Stupid Customer
'I don’t want a smoking room.'

Employee
'It’s all I have.'

Stupid Customer
'What kind of place doesn’t sell non-smoking rooms?'

Employee
'No no no we sell non smoking rooms but I don’t have any tonight.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay, i’ll just deal with that.'

Employee
'I have that at 124 plus tax.'

Stupid Customer
'I’m not paying 124. I’m not going for the football game i’m just going for work.'

Employee
'That’s the best rate I can offer this weekend and that is a discounted rate.'

Stupid Customer
'But i’m not going for the football game I don’t care about the game.'

Employee
'Well that’s fine but the rate is still going to be 124.'

Stupid Customer
'Buddy you’re not selling any rooms at that price.'

Employee
'I have 8 left, I think i’m doing ok.'

The Stupid Customer hangs up.

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