Stupid Pub Customer 9

Employee
'Excuse me, you can't have children at the bar.'

Stupid Customer
'She's not at the bar.'

Employee
*Looks* 'Yes, she is. I can't serve you while you have a child at the bar.'

Stupid Customer
'She's only 2.'

Employee
'Yes, and that's why she's not allowed at the bar.'

Stupid Customer 
'Don't be a prick.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 40

Stupid Customer
'I noticed that your orange plates are 20% off. Can I get this orange candle for 20% off, too?'

Employee
No, sorry, it’s not on sale.

Stupid Customer
'I know, but since it’s orange and the plates are orange, I was hoping you would give me the discount.'

Employee
'Yeah, no, I can’t do that.'

Stupid Customer
'But I’d really like a discount on them.'

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Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 6

Stupid Customer
'Do you sell leather cleaner here?'

Employee
'Sorry, we only sell leather and suede protector here. '

The stupid customer takes a moment to think...

Stupid Customer
'Sorry, does that protector work on leather?'

Employee
'Yes, it's for leather and suede.'

Stupid Customer
'I need it for leather.'

Employee
'Yes, that's what I said.'

Stupid Customer
'You said suede though.'

Employee
'Yes. Leather and suede are actually the same thing, just a different finish.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh. Okay. I don't want that.'


Submitted by;
Lauren Potts

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Stupid Call Center Customer 6

Employee
'Good Morning Samsung Electronics how may I help you?'

Stupid Customer
'Oh! Good Morning! Is that not Honeywell Boilers?'

Employee
'No sorry! This is Samsung Electronics...'

Stupid Customer
'Oh dear! I seemed to have called the wrong number! Oh well never mind! Perhaps you can help me?'

Employee
'I'm afraid we don't deal with boilers... we only deal with things like Samsung televisions, phones and computers...'

Stupid Customer
'Yes! But it is an electronics problem with my boiler! So I am sure you can help!'

Employee
'I'm sorry but I'm afraid we cannot help as we are not Honeywell Boilers!'

Stupid Customer
'I want to speak to your manager! After all the Customer should always come first!'

Employee
'That might be so, however, you aren't a Samsung customer.. you are a Honeywell Customer!'

Submitted by;
Teresa Lawler

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Stupid Call Center Customer 5

Employee

‘It seems everything is there. Try refreshing?’

Stupid Customer

‘No, I still can’t see it.’

Employee

‘Are you sure? Try pressing Ctrl+F5 instead, there may be a cached version in your browser.’

Stupid Customer
‘No, I still can’t see it.’

Employee

‘What browser are you using to view the site?’

Stupid Customer
‘I’m looking at a screen grab.’

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Stupid Camping Shop Customer 3

Stupid Customer has been in the shop for an 1 hour making employee 1 late for lunch. Another mployee starts work and takes over. Stupid Customer eventually decides to buy a jacket, employee breathes sigh of relief, but on the way out...

Stupid Customer
‘Oh what are these boots? (cheaper boots)’

Employee
‘They're a hiking boot. We have them in size 3.5 or 4.5’

Stupid Customer
'I'll try a 4.5'

Stupid Customer and employee talk about what the boots will be used for etc, customer informs employee she is a size 5.

Employee
‘If you're usually a 5 then these shoes will be too small, especially once you have a hiking sock on.’

Stupid Customer
‘I'm trekking in the Himalayas, do you think I need a hiking sock? I was just going to wear normal ones.’


Submitted by;
Josephine Atkinson

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Stupid Hotel Customer 2

Stupid Customer
'I’m looking for a room for tonight. Just one person, one bed.'

Employee
'I have a queen bed available, it’s a smoking room…'

Stupid Customer
'I don’t want a smoking room.'

Employee
'It’s all I have.'

Stupid Customer
'What kind of place doesn’t sell non-smoking rooms?'

Employee
'No no no we sell non smoking rooms but I don’t have any tonight.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay, i’ll just deal with that.'

Employee
'I have that at 124 plus tax.'

Stupid Customer
'I’m not paying 124. I’m not going for the football game i’m just going for work.'

Employee
'That’s the best rate I can offer this weekend and that is a discounted rate.'

Stupid Customer
'But i’m not going for the football game I don’t care about the game.'

Employee
'Well that’s fine but the rate is still going to be 124.'

Stupid Customer
'Buddy you’re not selling any rooms at that price.'

Employee
'I have 8 left, I think i’m doing ok.'

The Stupid Customer hangs up.

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