Stupid Retail Customer 39

The Stupid Customer phones up the shop.

Stupid Customer
'Hi, what time do you guys close?'


Employee
'We close at nine.'

Stupid Customer
'Exactly at nine?'

Employee
'Yep!'


Stupid Customer
'Well, I’m in Oakland, and I don’t get off work til 8:30, so I’m not sure I can get there at 9.'

Employee
'I see…'


Stupid Customer
'So even if I’m there at 9:10, and I’m banging on the door, you won’t let me in?'

Employee
'No. If you make it before 9, that’s good. If not, we open again at 10 tomorrow morning.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 38

Stupid Customer
'Aren't you guys having a 50% off everything sale?'

Employee
'No, but we put a couple of extra holiday items 20% off.'

Stupid Customer
'The newspaper said you're having a 50% off sale on everything.'

Employee
'Oh? What newspaper?'

Stupid Customer
'I don't remember, but it said you were. I want this 50% off.'

Employee
'Sorry, but I can't approve that. We're not having a 50% off sale.'

Stupid Customer
'But the newspaper said you were.'

Employee
'This is the first I'm hearing about it.'

Stupid Customer
'Then you should read the newspaper more often!'

Employee
'If only I knew which newspaper you speak of.'

The Stupid Customer storms off.

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Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, can I have a medium espresso in a small cup?'

Employee
'So you want two shots of espresso in a small cup?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes!'

Employee
'You know that’s just two shots of straight espresso, right? Is that what you want?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes, that’s what I want.'

Employee
'Would you like any cream in that?'

Stupid Customer
'Just a little milk'

Employee makes medium espresso with a little milk

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, can I have more milk in this?'

Employee pours a little more milk in

Stupid Customer
'More than that, fill the cup.'

Employee
'Um. Sure. Yeah, okay then.'

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, I realize it’s because of the milk, but this drink is cold.'

Employee
'I’m sorry, did you want a latte instead?'

Stupid Customer
'That’s what I ordered!'

Employee
'No, actually. You said you wanted espresso, I even clarified it for you.'

Stupid Customer
'Ordering coffee isn’t this hard in LA! I guess terms are different everywhere.'

Employee
'Actually, I’ve ordered coffee in LA. It’s the same thing. They would have given you straight espresso as well. Here’s your latte. Have a nice day.'

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Stupid Sandwich Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'Is this fresh?'

Employee
'Yes. It was made this morning.'

Stupid Customer
'Is this today’s?'

Employee
'Yes. It was made this morning.'

Stupid Customer
'Are you sure?'

Employee
'Yes. I am sure.'

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Stupid Retail Customer 37

Stupid Customer
'What’s that Mexican guy’s name who works here?'

Employee
'Um…'

Stupid Customer
'You know, the short one with the ‘stache? He’s the manager.'

Employee
'Oh, he’s Tibetan.'

Stupid Customer
'What?'

Employee
'He’s Tibetan.'

Stupid Customer
'No, the Mexican manager.'

Employee 'I think you’re thinking of Karma.'

Stupid Customer
'NO! He’s a man!'

Employee
'Yes, our manager is a man named Karma and he is from Tibet.'

Stupid Customer
'He’s Mexican.'

Employee
'Ma’am, our manager is Tibetan. I don’t know anyone else who works here who fits the description you gave. Karma is short, has a mustache, and is the manager. Can I help you with something further?'

Stupid Customer
'You must be new.'

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Stupid Music Shop Customer 1

Stupid Customer
'You got any old school punk?'

Employee
'Nah, we have stuff from the last 5 years or so really.'

Stupid Customer
'So just 80s then yeah...?'

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Stupid Shoe Shop Customer 5

Stupid Customer approaches till with a pair of shoes which are in the sale.

Employee
'Just so you know, our sale items are non-returnable unless they are faulty.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay, that's fine. Such a great price!'

Employee
'Great, that's 25 pounds please.'

Stupid Customer
'So...when does your sale start?'

Employee
'It started last Thursday.'

Stupid Customer (sounding surprised) 
'Oh really?!'

Employee
'Yes actually, the shoes you're buying are in the sale.'


Submitted by;
Lauren Potts

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Stupid Retail Customer 36

Stupid Customer
'I would like to return this game please.'

Employee
'Ok, what seems to be the problem?'

Stupid Customer
'I thought there was a real monkey in the box.'

In regards to Eye Pet for the PS3


Submitted by;
Mathew Spearey

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Offline for 1 week.

Hello, we can imagine you have arrived here to look for todays new Stupid Customer story, due to today being a Monday. Unfortunately this week there are no posts on today, Wednesday and Friday. This is down to the only person who controls this blog, Matthew Hoare is currently on holiday over in New York.

We apologise you wont be getting your weekly dosage of Stupid Customer stories, and we will get back to our regular schedule from Monday 13th February.

For now of course you can send in your submissions, we are always needing more. To keep this site alive!

submit.stupidcustomers@gmail.com

See you on the 13th February.

SC x

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Stupid Retail Customer 35

Employee is giving a small demonstration to the Stupid Customer about an MP3 player.

Employee
'Here is where all your music will be stored.'

Stupid Customer
'Okay.'

Employee
'And here is your settings menu where you can change numerous things, including changing the language.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh wow! Can you change the langauge to Spanish?'

Employee
'Of course.'

Stupid Customer
'Fantastic, I've always wanted to hear what Mariah Carey would sound like in Spanish.'


Submitted by;
Chris Skeene

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Stupid Retail Customer 34

Stupid Customer approaches employee on the shop floor.

Stupid Customer
'Excuse me, you sold me this MP3 player yesterday.'

Employee
'Yes...okay.'

Stupid Customer
'MP3 players are for music, correct?'

Employee
'Yes, that is correct.'

Stupid Customer
'Well I took it home last night, and there was no music on it for me to listen to.'


Submitted by;
Chris Skeene

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