Wednesday 27 February 2013

Stupid Retail Customer 52

Stupid customer
*shouting* 'Excuse me, the phone credit you just sold me has already been used!'

Employee
'Right.. I wouldn't have thought that's possible' 

The employee only served the Stupid Customer 5 minutes ago.

Stupid customer
*still shouting* 'I want the manager, I want the credit replaced!'

The employee calls for the manager.

Stupid customer
'Hurry up, I ned to make an urgent call!'

Employee offers the Stupid Customer the store phone to make the urgent call.

Stupid customer
'I don't want your **** phone!'

Stupid Customer pulls mobile phone out and makes the call.

Employee
'You said the phone credit didn't go through?'

Tuesday 26 February 2013

Stupid Retail Customer 51

Stupid Customer
'I would like to buy one of these Wii things'

Employee
'I'm sorry we don't have any in stock.'

Stupid Customer
'But you're advertising them!'

Employee
'Well no we have a huge display saying 'available soon', just to let people know that we do stock them and they'll be on sale as soon as possible.'

Stupid Customer
'I think that's disgusting'

Employee
'Sorry, it's always like this at Christmas. We're doing our best to get more stock in so pop back later in the week just in case - but it's looking unlikely at the moment.'

Stupid Customer
'But you're advertising all these games that my kids won't be able to play.'

Employee
'We've got plenty of games and accessories in but we just can't get the consoles in fast enough - honestly we sold our allocation months ago, it's impossible for Nintendo to make them any faster.'

Stupid Customer
'But what if you weren't allowed to buy CD players anymore but shops still advertised CDs? it's terrible to treat customers like that.'

Employee
'Um, we have to still advertise the games because thousands of people own the Wii and will want to buy some games.'

Stupid Customer
'No what I'm saying is that you're basically not letting people buy CD players but still shoving CDs in their faces and I think that's disgusting.'
Employee
'No not really because even if there was a shortage of CD players, millions of people already own them and will buy CDs.'

Stupid Customer
'I'll be writing to complain. This isn't fair at all.'

Monday 25 February 2013

Stupid Retail Customer 50

Stupid Customer
'I'm looking to buy a TV. What's the cheapest one you got?'

Employee
'Looks like this 13-inch for £129.99.'

Stupid Customer
'How big is that?'

Employee
'About thirteen inches.'

Stupid Customer
'Is a thirteen inch TV pretty small?'

Employee
'Yeah, that's barely over a foot.'

Stupid Customer
'Well, what's the next cheapest TV you have?'
Employee
'We have this 14-inch for £189.99'

Stupid Customer
'Is that bigger than the 13-inch?'

Employee
'...Yep.'

Stupid Customer
'How much bigger?'

Friday 22 February 2013

Stupid Retail Customer 49

The Stupid Customer’s total is £11.99, the Stupid Customer hands the employee £21.

Employee
'Miss, this is £21, you’d just get the pound back. Did you mean to give me £22 for a ten back?

Stupid Customer
'No, because my order is £11 pounds!'

Employee 
'And 99 pence…'

Stupid Customer
'And?'

Employee stares at the Stupid Customer

Stupid Customer
'Ugh, just give me the £1 back then.'

Thursday 21 February 2013

Stupid Hotel Customer 3

Stupid Customer
'Do you have rooms available on Monday?'

Employee
'What date?'

Stupid Customer
'Monday!'

Employee
'No, what date?'

Stupid Customer
'Jeez, the 11th.'

Employee
'Of what month?'

Stupid Customer
'MONDAY!'

Wednesday 20 February 2013

Stupid Supermarket Customer 5

Stupid Customer approaches till with his fizzy drink for his child, and the employee proceeds to scan the bottle of fizzy drink. 

Stupid Customer
'Can I scan this item through the till myself?

Employee
'I guess so?'

Stupid Customer
'...just because this drink is for my child, and your hands are dirty. Does that make sense?'

Employee
'Not really, but whatever.'

Stupid Customer
'Why not?'

Tuesday 19 February 2013

Stupid Book Shop Customer 4

Stupid Customer
'Do you have a picture book of dinosaurs?'

Employee
'Sure.'

(They walk to the dinosaur books,  employee shows him many books with various sketches and paintings of dinosaurs)

Stupid Customer 
'No, not pictures…PHOTOGRAPHS. Photos of dinosaurs, please. Where are those?'

Monday 18 February 2013

Stupid Pub Customer 11

Stupid Customer
'Are you still serving lunch?'

Employee looks at the clock, that is displaying 10 past 4.

Employee
'No, sorry. Lunch ends at 4 o clock'

Stupid Customer
'Give me the lunch menu anyway!'

Employee
'I'm sorry but you're too late for lunch!'

The Stupid Customer moves over to go and sit himself down at a table.

Stupid Customer
'I'm only 10 minutes late! This is why this place is empty! You need us.'

Friday 15 February 2013

Stupid Restaurant Customer 3

The Stupid Customer walks into the restaurant.

Stupid Customer
'Hey, are you guys open?'
Employee
'Well, are the lights on?'
Stupid Customer
'Um, yes.'
Employee
'And was the front door open or locked?'
Stupid Customer
'Um, it was open.'

Employee
'So do you think we're open?'

Stupid Customer
'Um, I guess not. I'll come back tomorrow then.'

Thursday 14 February 2013

Stupid Supermarket Customer 4

Employee
'Hello!'

Stupid Customer
'Hello! I had a really nice conversation with your brother yesterday, did he say anything about me?'

Employee
'I'm sorry ma'm, this store is not family run. I only sell the produce.'

Stupid Customer
'Oh. Alright, I understand.'

(The Stupid Customer goes on to browse the produce.)

Stupid Customer
'So which one of these tomatoes did you pick?'

Wednesday 13 February 2013

Stupid Restaurant Customer 2

Stupid Customer 
'Do you have any beef?'

Employee
'No sorry, we're a vegan restaurant'

The Stupid Customer leaves to the back of the queue then comes back to the employee

Stupid Customer
'Do you have any meat at all on the menu?'

Tuesday 12 February 2013

Stupid Coffee Shop Customer 4

Stupid Customer
'Do you use instant coffee or real coffee?'

The employee instantly stares blankly at the Stupid Customer

Monday 11 February 2013

Stupid Supermarket Customer 3

Employee is putting the Stupid Customers items through the till, and gets to some chicken wings. The wings has a label for £2.00 when they are usually £5.98.

Stupid Customer
'£2.00 is a great price for some wings! I even got two of them!'

Employee
'Yeah…'

The employee is about to put through the chicken wings, until she notices a strange odor.

Employee
'Ma’am your chicken wings have a strange odor, you sure you want these? It could explain why they are two pounds instead of five.'

Stupid Customer
'Yeah! I’ll still take them, I will just have to eat them tonight.'

With that the Stupid Customer purchases her questionable chicken and leaves the store

The Stupid Customer has children with her, and one of the kids is very nervous about eating the meat.

Friday 8 February 2013

Stupid Pharmacy Customer 1

Employee notices a female customer shoving a few acne treatments into her purse.

Employee
'Excuse me, miss. You’re going to have to pay for those.'

Stupid Customer
'For what?'

Employee 
'For the treatments you just shoved into your purse.'

Stupid Customer 
*sounding offended* 'I did no such thing!'

Employee
'Fine. Will you please show me there aren’t any stolen items in your bag?'

Stupid Customer
'No! You’re only doing this because I’m ugly!'

Employee
'…what?'

Stupid Customer
'I can’t believe an ugly person can’t go out into public anymore without be accused of stealing! I’m never coming here again!'

*Stupid Customer storms out, setting off the alarm and alerting security*

Thursday 7 February 2013

Stupid Web Design Customer 1

Employee 
'So, let me get this straight. You want your insurance website to look like the Walt Disney World site?'

Stupid Customer
'Yes, because the Walt Disney World site seems so happy and fun. When people visit our site, they should feel like buying insurance is fun!'

Employee
'Um, okay...so is there anything else you’d like?'

(Stupid Customer thinks for a few moments)

Stupid Customer
'Rollercoasters! I like rollercoasters!'